http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php Copyright 2012, Smellyballs Smellyballs en-US SPHPBLOG 0.5.1 http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry090724-190555 Well it’s been awhile, sorry about that. We were in Belize, and we finally found Larry the Farmer. He is an Adult Baby now. He lives and works on an Adult Baby resort/retreat, and is very happy. He promised he will write from time to time, and we will share his baby thoughts with you.

Lomax’s latest Problem.

Well as soon as we got back to the states, lomax went on a sessioning rampage, 3-4 times a week, and all full toilet sessions. I didn’t see him for a couple of months, and when I did he looked a wreck. He was thin, emaciated actually, unshaven, dirty, and has the worst case of pinkeye I had ever seen.

“Why can’t dommes shit straight, smelly!? Every frigging session, they shit right in my eyes!! I put my mouth 3 inches from their butt hole, and somehow they all manage to miss my mouth and get me right in my eyes. Sometimes the left one, sometimes the right one, sometimes both. Then I freak out, start trying to clean it out of my eye (if my hand aren’t tied), and then the domme freaks out, saying I’m getting it everywhere, and the session gets ruined. Plus, look at my eyes!!”

“Well lomax, it just seems to be an occupational hazard of those type of sessions. Why don’t you wear glasses, or better yet, find a cleaner activity?”

“I did try my glasses, but they didn’t help much. I even went out and bought some swimmer’s goggles, and they kept the shit out my eyes, but the domme couldn’t stop laughing. Plus, they smeared up and I couldn’t see anything. So I took them off, and the next load went right in my eyes again!!”

“So what are you going to do?”, I queried.

“Well I created some goggles with windshield wipers, so I could be safe and still see. I made them air powered, I press a little rubber ball and the wipers go. But they didn’t work very well, they just smeared the poop even more. So I added a second rubber ball which shoots windshield wiper fluid on the goggles. One rubber ball in each hand, no batteries needed!!

“So I took my invention to my next session, and the domme told me I was out of my mind and wouldn’t let me use it. The next domme did though, but it ended up shooting the shit and fluid all over the dungeon, and all over her ass. She kicked me out.

“So I’ve been trying to make improvements. But I was testing them out at home when my daughter and her friend walked in on me. They freaked out, so I told her I was working on something to capture Bigfooot.”

“I bet she believed that.”

“I don’t know. She just said I was fucked in the head and left. But she called me back and said that her and her boyfriend want to go with me when I hunt Bigfoot next. So now I either have to tell her I eat shit, or go hunting for Bigfoot. I am truly fucked!”

Yes, he is totally fucked, but that is nothing new. Anyway, are there any straight shitting dommes out there that can help poor ol’ lomax? Or anyone who knows where you go hunting for Bigfoot in the tri-state area?

The Truth about Domina M’s move to Reno!!

Ok, we’ve read the posts, but it didn’t add up. Why would one of the classiest dommes in the world move to maybe the tackiest city in America? To play Texas Hold ‘em? To work at the Bunny Ranch? To hunt for Bigfoot?

So we decided to hire out favorite private investigator, Saul Petersburg, to see if he can find out some more info on what the famous M is up to. Here is his first report (which, btw, cost us a small fortune):

Tuesday June 16th,

9 am: Subject spotted getting into her car, a purple AMC Pacer, wearing a bathrobe. She had spoolies in her hair and was smoking a non-filter cigarette. Followed subject to 3678 Kings Row, where she entered the “Perfect Donut”. Came out 5 minutes later with a decaf soy latte and a dozen jelly donuts.

9:30 am: Subject stopped at a convenience store and bought two packs of Chesterfield straights and a six pack of Stella Artois.

10:00 am: Subject drove to Rancho San Rafael Park and found a quiet spot under a tree. Started eating the donuts and pounding down the Stellas while giving herself a pedicure and chain smoking the Chesterfields.

12:00 pm. Subject passed out. Took some pictures.

3:30 pm. Subject woke up and drove home, after stopping at another convenience store for another six pack of Stella.

Wednesday June 17th:

Same.

Thrusday June 18th:

Same.

Friday June 19th:

Have to go to Chicago on another assignment. See attached invoice. Will return to Reno in mid July.

(end of report)

Ok, first of all, the pictures don’t look that much like Domina M. Second, are we to believe she went all the way to Reno to eat Jelly Donuts and drink beer? Makes no sense to us at all. But if it is really her, and it is true, please come back M!! New York needs you!! We’ll buy you all the Jelly Donuts you want.!!

Smellyballs.

P.S. Do you shit straight?

Ok now for a little commentary!!

She works hard for the money.... (Scarlette1313)

First, we totally agree with everything the poster said. What we don’t like are people that demonize sex with a prostitute, and some that demonize prostitution. Prostitution is one of life’s great equalizers. So I’m not Alex Rodriguez and can’t fuck Madonna. So what? For a few hundred bucks I can fuck a Madonna look-alike who is probably better in bed than the real Madonna. Take that ARod!!

Not everyone is sexually attractive. Ride the subway if you don’t believe me. Let’s just say (theoretically) that I was born ugly and not at all sexually attractive. Does that mean that I can never have sex with a beautiful woman? Even if I went to college?

Of course the answer is: yes I can have sex with a beautiful woman. I can have sex with a prostitute!

Now I know that the best sex is when two people are both totally hot for each other. But for ugly people, or old people, or people who have been together more than 10 years, or really shy people, or circus freaks, guys with teeny weenies, etc, it doesn’t happen very often. Where would they be without prostitutes?

“Sorry, Leon, anatomy is destiny, and you’re destined to never fuck a beautiful woman.”
“No Mr. existential narrator. Anatomy may be destiny, but I got 300 dollars, and I AM going to fuck a beautiful woman! I’m going to fuck a PROSTITUTE!! YAY!!”

(Of course I know all about the bad sides of prostitution. But like many of our other cherished vices (alcohol, gambling, religion, etc.) banning them just ends up making the bad sides worse. )

Speaking of fat and old ……..

Fat, old men. (DownLow)

Well this was a pretty depressing thread, for the most part, with me and lomax being at the verge of the big 6 0. Lucky there are “some” dommes that don’t mind us old farts too much.

But I learned early on in my playing days that most dommes aren’t “fantasy fulfillment specialists”(someone who caters to most all S&M fantasies, most all clients) in the strict sense. Most dommes have their “shtick”, and you either like it or you don’t. And they either like you or don’t. So it’s always a hit or miss thing. And the older you get, maybe there are going to be more misses than hits.

Money does help, sometimes, though. I see this domme occasionally, when she is in town, and her shtick is humiliation. She loves it, she is great at it, it gets her off, it rolls off of her like water off of a duck. Problem is, I hate humiliation. She knows that, so she cools it when we see each other. I think she does it because I tip her very well. I know it is hard for her, especially when we’re in public. But she does it, and we have a good time.

So my hope is that an extra 100 or so may help when my ball sack hangs below my knees. We’ll see.

And speaking of balls ………

Dommes how many balls have you kicked so far (secret slave bob)

I guess lots of dommes have kicked lots of balls. The big question seems to be how safe or unsafe is it. We think that it is of course not 100% safe, but luckily balls are pretty rugged, and repairable. The nice thing about ball injuries is that you could tell your wife you were mugged and be believed. Lots of other S&M injuries (welts, rope burns, blood blisters, scratch marks, bite marks, ruptured colons, etc.) are a little harder to explain.

Lomax says that anyone who is into hard core S&M should have a large dog. A lot of the above injuries can be blamed on the dog. He once got away with these nasty scratch marks on his side by saying the dog jumped on him.

Don’t ever blame a ruptured colon on a pet, though. That might be worse than saying a pro domme did it. I would go for a bad fall in the shower, right on the Pert Plus. It’s worth a shot, anyway.

The people you miss… (mugsy)

Well that was a truly wonderful thread, magical. Brought back lots of old memories.

But it got me to wondering: am I wrong in perceiving that the hang is just a shadow of its former self? Was there a “golden age” of this board, say 2000-2004 or so?

What I wonder, is that because there were so many of us who were “isolated”, dommes and clients both, but mostly clients, that being part of this board at that time was a truly vital and unique experience. Most of us had never communicated with another client before, knew much about S&M beyond our own kink. This board attracted true seekers, true educators, true evangelists. And the power of all those sincere people overpowered the negative, and the mundane, the trolls and the haters.

But the years went by, the ones who needed this board to learn have mostly come and gone, and we are mostly left with a bunch of hangers on, and a ton of commercialism.

And my original reason for doing what I’m doing with this blog, is it a waste too now? If the true seekers are gone, does anyone here need the message that, as serious and desperate that our S&M desires and views are, S&M also has an fun side? An absurd side that we can see and appreciate and laugh at, well, at least after we cum.

Or are all that are left on the lobby are the fully BDSM educated, set in their ways, politically correct, conservatives S&Mers?

Except for an enlightened few, are the only ones that can laugh at the absurdity of S&M are the people who are NOT into it? I wonder.

I will finally get a challange! (markie)

We’re really glad that markie had a great session! But neither of us are into beatdowns or wrestling, so neither one of us is going to call Rachel tonight. Though I must admit, that after watching one of her clips4sale videos, I was pretty temped. She is hot!! I showed the video to lomax, and while it did excite him quite a bit, it also caused him to rant about what he calls “domme over-exposure”:

“You know, smelly, I used to jerk off to the same grainy picture of a domme that advertised in Screw, for 10 years!! And I felt I was lucky to have that picture. I had a few 8mm movies, and a few glossy mags, and that was it. As far as real dommes in those days, most of the ones I saw, the first time I saw their likeness was at the first session. When domme websites came along, I thought it was great at first. But after a few years I found that most websites had more misinformation than real information. Old pictures, or professional pictures that looked nothing like the domme really did. And their personalities never matched what they wrote about themselves. But at first I couldn’t resist them, and would book sessions solely based on the website material. And would get burned more often than not. Eventually I got cured, and started to rely on my old method, pure gut feel based on a short phone conversation or email exchange.

“But now, with dommes having websites, and myspace, and facebook, and blogs, and movies, and clips, and twitter, I started to get sucked in again. But you know what happened, by the time I sift through all the info there is on a domme, I lose interest!! I know too much about her private life, her session life, I’ve jerked off to a half dozen clips I bought of her, and I’m ready to move on!

“I know it’s my fault. If I saw a porn video and there was an available porn star in the video that really turned me on, I think I would be smart enough to stop there, and call her. I wouldn’t care what her astrological sign is, what she eats for breakfast. I wouldn’t go out and buy all 50 of her DVDs. I’d just call her, pay her, fuck her. But with dommes, I’m compelled to learn everthing I can before I session. And these days, “everything” can be way, way too much!!”

I think the reason is, dear lomax, that S&M fantasies tend to be rather complex, unlike fucking. With fucking, once you develop some basic expertise, it’s a pretty straightforward activity. Not so with S&M, our complex fantasies compel us to be a lot more selective when picking a dominatrix. Remember when you became obsessed with Xena, the Warrior Princess? And spent 2 years looking for a domme look-alike? And when you finally found her, you spent a fortune on wardrobe and props, and spent weeks writing out these incredibly detailed role play scenarios, with full dialogue based on tv episodes that you tried to get her to memorize? And then when you finally had your first session, everything, the costumes, props, the script, was perfect, except for her high pitched Long Island JAP accent that she couldn’t change? And it ruined the session for you? If she had a clips4sale store …… you could have saved your self a lot of trouble.





]]> http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry090724-190555 Smellyballs Sat, 25 Jul 2009 02:05:55 GMT http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/comments.php?y=09&m=07&entry=entry090724-190555 http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry090328-173114 For this issue we’ve decided to temporarily abstain from our usual long winded style and do a bunch of quick hitters, so we can get to as many posts as possible. Sort of the Lobby Report Headline News version:


Most Severe and Sadistic extreme mistress? (jamesrebel130)

In my day, everyone was afraid of the Baroness. But there was this lady, a Mistress Jessica from San Jose, who would whip you bloody, burn your shirt and pants, shove your underwear up your ass, and send you to your car wearing only your shoes and socks. And that is if you booked a sensual session.

Femdom - is it sexual? (pig) )

For me it is all about sex, kinky sex that is (I like the other stuff too, lol). What I will never understand, until the day I die, is not why subs want to fuck their mistress, but why they want to clean their apartments.

What's up with these rhapsodic domme profiles? (Amfortas)

“Hi, I’m Mistress Intestine, and I will do all the things I list here for 250. For 1000 I’ll do all the things I don’t”. (Now that is a profile we’d like to see!!)

Important Info for Every Prodomme... (mugsy)

I was once arrested, handcuffed, verbally abused (my girlfriend too), put in a paddy wagon, thrown in jail, sat for six hours waiting for a bail bondsman, for going through a stop sign. It ended up costing me about 1000 (car towed, fines, court costs, etc.), plus I had to go to “bad drivers school”. Why? The police were in contract negotiations, it wasn’t going well, so they were busting everyone.

What don't Y/you like about Lifestyle Doms? Miko Yoshiki)

I could give a shit what a domme does in her private life. She could eat human flesh for all I care, as long as she doesn’t eat me.

Supremacists (ScatDomme)

Ditto.

Who is the nicest domme? (WriterGuy)

For me, the nicest dommes are the ladies that are only dommes during session, and normal otherwise.

Toilet training vs Scat Mistress (Mss Tara Indiana)

Well lomax is the expert in this area so I will ask him:
“Lomax, do you prefer to eat shit from a Scat Mistress or a Toilet Trainer?”

“Huh!?”

“Ok, I didn’t understand the thread either. Read it and come back to me”

(2 hours later)

“Huh?”

When subs take advantage of professional Dommes (Ms C)

The problem here is that lots of dommes think that if they charge money for their services, that makes them “professional”. A true pro wouldn’t get in this situation in the first place. Before investing much time in a client, establish that he is a relatively sane, reliable source of income. That’s rule 104C in the handbook, btw.

Sensual (Dr. Devon)

Sensual is one of those words that I don’t think can be defined by any specific action. A domme can let you eat her pussy, lick her breasts, and jerk you off, and the session not be sensual at all, for lots of reasons.

On the other hand, a domme can pic her nose and eat it, and if done right, the session can be very sensual.


Dommes and Tattoos (Miss Lilith)

Most tattoos I see these days are pretty artistic, and if well done and on the right person, can be very beautiful. But some tattoos can enhance the S&M experience. I like the scary skulls, barbed wire, that sort of stuff. Lomax likes “jailhouse” tattoos.

However, some tattoos can ruin the S&M experience. If you are a domme and have a hello kitty tattoo, e.g., hide it.

Topless Sessions (Zara Thustra)

There are some boobies I’d love to see, some it wouldn’t make a difference. But for me, covered boobs with lots of cleavage is even sexier, especially if just a dash of the areola is showing.

Lomax is an age freak, he likes big saggy boobs, pimples, stretch marks, etc (I bet you could have guessed, lol). It’s hard enough to ask a domme to disrobe in any way, even harder when you think she may be hiding something.

Calling out a fake review.... (Switch Lydia)

Tara Indiana says that bad reviews are good for business. We would be glad to write a bad review for any domme that wants us to. PM us, and if you appeal to us, we’ll book a session (even pay, lol), and then write the most horrific review imaginable. Then you can reply and say the review is all a bunch of lies, and we can have a big fight, etc. What fun!!

What inspired you to join maxville? (Mistress Maya)

I knew about the domme list, but not about the board until a domme told me about it, wow 7 years ago now. I learned a lot about S&M from the board in those days, knew nothing about, never even heard about “lifestyle”, submission, humiliation, female supremacy, financial domination, and lots of other things to avoid.

Force and No Safe Words (Mme Sade)

In a pain-centric session:

- there is a place where a good domme can tell she has gone as far or maybe a little bit farther than she should, and starts to back off
- there is a place where the sub is taking it harder than he ever has, but is so turned on, and hope she goes further and further.

Problem is it is often the same place. It sucks (for me) at the time, but after I cum it don’t matter, plus I’m a lot less marked up.

Twenty Five of Your DIRTIEST Secrets (Mistress Anais)

Here are 25 secrets I saw and did growing up in a Rhode Island suburb in the 50’s, all before I was 12 years old. All 100% true.

1. I saw the lady in the house behind ours sunbathe nude, from our garage roof. More than once.
2. I saw a couple of neighborhood tough kids bury a cat alive.
3. The 16 year old kid across the street offered me 25 cents to blow him. I was around 10 at the time.
4. A friend of mine went fishing, got his hook stuck in his head, shit his pants, and came running home crying, stinking, with his fishing rod pointing to his head. By the time he made it to my street, the whole neighborhood had heard about it and was outside teasing him mercilessly.
5. My best friend’s mother used to eat runny scrambled eggs with her bare hands, every morning.
6. A young couple moved into a house down the street, had 6 kids in six years, and moved out.
7. There was a youngish (30’s) nun who lived down the street with a few other nuns. She only shaved her creamy white legs every couple of weeks, and the little black nubs would stick through her sheer stockings. It turned me on.
8. The loudest I ever heard my father laugh was when some new kid punched my friend Bob in the nose and blood spattered everywhere. My dad didn’t like Bob.
9. Speaking of Bob and fights, Bob had an older brother Joe. I once saw Joe beat up a kid with one hand while eating a sandwich in the other.
10. There was a senile old lady who lived in her daughter’s attic, across the street. She never bathed, and it made the whole house smell. I know because she (the daughter) was our Cub Scout den mother.
11. When I was around 10, an older kid told me about homosexuals. I didn’t believe him.
12. I went to second base with a girl down the street when I was 11.
13. We had two retarded kids in our neighborhood who roamed the streets. One of them used to sniff us. I offered the other one a nickel to pull the fire alarm box. He did of course, but I got caught and got in trouble.
14. All the girls except one in my 6th grade class wore garters and stockings to school (gotta love the 50’s, before pantyhose became popular).
15. In 6th grade me and a friend threw snowballs at a couple of older greaser girls and we ended up getting the shit beat out of us.
16. Later that year my same friend got in a fight with a girl and she broke his leg.
17. I used to love to watch the old Italian men play poker at the house down the street on Friday nights. I once tried to talk to one of the old men. He said, “Fuck off”.
18. I was the only kid in our neighborhood who wasn’t afraid to ride his bike to Silver Lake to buy fireworks. You had to go into Evelyn’s Spa and ask for “Spike”.
19. I was with a bunch of guys and this girl from a couple of streets away was walking alone. The guys I was with chased her until they trapped her under a crabapple tree. I sort of stayed in the background while they pelted her with crabapples until she was a crying bruised mess. I knew it was wrong, but was afraid to do anything. Also because it turned me on sexually to such an extent I was paralyzed.
20. On Halloween night a bunch of kids broke every window in a house across the street, while the family was in it.
21. My sister’s best friends father chased me with a 2 by 4 trying to kill me, just for saying “penis” to his daughter. I had to climb a tree to save myself.
22. Me and a friend use to grab a handful of DDT each (it was legal then) and use it to kill ants. His father kept some in his garage, he used it for work. We had no clue it was dangerous.
23. That same friend, when he was 4 or 5, would be left alone, tied up in a harness on a rope in the back yard when his mother went out for an hour or two.
24. My best friend from across the street was a good kid, gentle, played the accordion. His older brother was an immature mean kid. His younger sister was stupid and fat. My best friend became a doctor, his older brother a priest, his younger sister a prostitute.
25. When I was in 7th grade, a friend goaded me into a double date. I had no girlfriend or ever had a date before. I took my cousin.
]]> http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry090328-173114 Smellyballs Sun, 29 Mar 2009 00:31:14 GMT http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/comments.php?y=09&m=03&entry=entry090328-173114 http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry090202-161357

New Protocol for Sessions (Jennifer LeMonde)

Jennifer doesn’t want to do body worship anymore. Of course it’s her choice, and we here at The Lobby Report totally understand. lomax is amazed that any woman would let him touch her, especially with his crud lined lips. But we believe that body worship plays an integral role in the modern S&M session, mainly this:

“What the fuck am I going to do for the next 45 minutes!?” How many times has a domme asked herself that in a session? A guy books an hour corporal/cbt session, but after about 10 minutes he can’t take anymore, he is just not into pain today, and he has no boner. Well I know what 9 out of 10 dommes do in that situation: body worship. Let him lick your heels for awhile, maybe your leg, let him kiss your ass. Hopefully he’ll get a boner and be able to take more pain. If not, more body worship, try again, pretty soon the hour is almost over, give him 5-10 minutes to whack his pretzel and you’ve made it through. But without body worship your choices are limited.

The nice thing about body worship is that while not everyone is necessarily into it, nobody minds it. I have never heard of a client with no body worship on his “hard limit” list. Some of the other classic “time killers”, intricate bondage, sucking on a strap-on dildo, being forced to walk around the dungeon on all fours, etc., clients may not be into. To us, a domme without body worship in her bag of tricks has got her work cut out for her.

So we’ve decided to help Ms. LeMonde (we know how to spell her name right now, lol) by finding a time killer for her that will satisfy her clients while not having to let them touch her. Lomax immediately came up with the perfect solution: pole dancing! Wow!! Who wouldn’t book Ms. Lemonde for a corporal/pole dancing session!? We would!! She would be the most popular domme in New York!! She could get $500/hour and not have to let anyone of us creeps cover her legs with our sticky spittle. Happy endings will be a breeze.

So, if you’re into it Jennifer, let us know where you session, and we’ll arrange for the pole.

Ok, we are calm again, and want to briefly explore another issue regarding this thread. Why were so many people irritated by this post? I think it is because it made us clients feel like perverted creeps. I don’t think that was her intention at all, but that was the effect of the post. It is perfectly all right for a domme to say “I am not into that”, we understand that not all dommes are going to do all activities. But when a domme says, “Oh I do that, but not with YOU, well that hurts (unless, I guess you’re into serious humiliation, which is certainly not the majority of clients here on max). We think all dommes should remember that not all clients are into humiliation, and before you start telling us how thoroughly fucked you were by your boyfriend last night, make sure we are into it. Otherwise it is a turn off, and a bit embarrassing too. (Unless of course you thoroughly fuck us afterwards, lol).

I confess, I'm Fat! (Mss Tara Indiana)

First of all, Tara, we checked, and you are no way fat. We think you are hotter than ever, and would describe you as Voluptuous. We wish you were fat, because we both like heavy dommes, but of course most of all we want you to be happy, at whatever weight works best for you.

But we have a question for you. Do you feel less dominant now? Lomax has been trying for decades to get really fat women to be dommes, but if they are kinky at all they are much more likely to be submissive. He used to think it was a self-esteem thing, but lately he has been exploring a biological theory of his.

“What if muscle (M) and bone (B) cells are dominant, and fat (F) cells are submissive?” posits lomax. “What if the ratio (M + B)/F determines your dominance ratio? It would explain a lot of things smelly, like all the fat submissive clients, and all the thin dommes, some muscular, and why I can’t get a fat girl to beat me up that often.”

So by his theory, you should feel less dominant now. But I don’t believe a word of it. My guess is, because you are in general a very proud and confident person, that you are just as dominant as ever!!

Lomax won’t admit it, but I think he secretly hopes his theory is wrong, and that you are as dominant as ever too. That way he could fly to LA and you could beat him up!!


Double Domme dreaming (Mistress Wynter)

Like a lot of the other posters, we are not that fond of double sessions. We concur with the posters that prefer the one-on-one dynamic, but we also believe that part of the reason that double sessions don’t work that well is that most dommes don’t know how to do them.

We think that dommes in general think that just because there are two dommes in the room we will be twice as excited, our dick will get twice as hard, and we will have twice as much fun. And if there were three dommes in the room we’d be three times as excited, our dick would get three times as hard, and we would have three times as much fun. And if there were four dommes in the room our dick would explode and we’d bleed to death. (That’s why dommes don’t advertise four domme sessions)

Well it isn’t true. Multiple domme sessions can often at best be no better, and sometimes worse, than single domme sessions. Plus they cost a lot of money. Here are a few other reasons I can think of besides the one-on-one dynamic:

The dommes do activities that having more than one domme there is meaningless

I was once tied up, blindfolded, and the dommes tag team whipped me. What use is having two dommes there for that!!

The dommes are more interested in each other than the client

That has happened a couple of times. Pay 700 for a two hour session with 2 dommes, and they spend 3/4 of the time yapping about skin cream and hair removal.

The dommes compete against each other

This happened once to me. The domme I was seeing regularly for some reason thought it was important to show the guest domme how much pain I could take, and the guest domme thought it was important to show my domme how much pain she could dish out. Ouch!!

Multiple pain points don’t always enhance the experience like multiple pleasure points can

This can happen in single domme sessions, but it is more common in double sessions. Example: did you ever have the situation where you couldn’t enjoy the cbt because the nipple clamps she put on you were so painful it was all you could think of?

Ok, so here are our suggestions to make double sessions more desirable. First, pay attention to the client. Second, don’t compete with the other domme. Third, don’t deny the client the eye candy, which is probably the main reason he booked the double session. In fact, enhance the eye candy with some lesbo activity if possible. Go as far as you like, we don’t mind a bit. And finally, if one domme is doing pain, the other domme should be doing something sensual, and vice versa. Even if while domme #1 is whipping you, if domme #2 is doing something as benign as just staring at you licking her lips and rubbing her crotch, that’s quite all right.

So that’s why we don’t book double domme sessions. But we would if the dommes followed our simple guidelines. In fact, we’d gladly volunteer if some dommes need to practice these techniques.

So Much for No Discounts (worm)

Here is the situation as I see it. When you have this type of a recession, it doesn’t mean that everyone has less money. It means that 80% (give or take a few percent) of the people have the same amount of money as before, and 20% have squat. So it’s not like all the clients are a little poorer. Basically the clients you see are nearly as flush as before, and the other ones just can’t session. (Of course there are exceptions, but this is the general situation)

So if there are 20% less clients, a lot of dommes are going to be hurting, especially the ones who depend on sessions on a major source of their income. But lowering your session rate by $25 or $50 isn’t going bring back the 20% who are unemployed or underemployed. All it’s going to do is maybe attract a few of the “bottom feeders”, the guys that would flock to a one-legged domme if she charged 100/hour. But in spite of what you read on the boards, I truly believe that there are not that many of these types of clients. Most guys will pay the extra money to see the domme they really want to see, even if it means seeing her less.

I think the best advice to dommes who are hurting right now is to start looking at secondary sources of income, pay sites, clips4sale, niteflirt, etc. I know, a lot of you don’t like to do that kind of stuff, but it can really help, and it’s the way the industry is going. And it is new income that will still be there when the recession is over and the clients come back.

And for all you bottom feeders, lomax tells me that there is a no-legged one armed domme in the Bronx that charges 50/hour. Go for it!!



Violence NOT BDSM (SubOpheliaNYC)

Thanks Ophelia, lomax downloaded that clip a week ago and I haven’t seen him since!!

Hath I not arms? Legs?? Am I not more than..... (ScatDomme)

(Speaking of no arms and legs, lol)

Well I may be naïve, but when a domme aggressively advertises a specialty, I tend not to session with that domme unless I am at least a little interested in that speciality. I assume that that is what she enjoys doing most. And I think that this would be exaggerated with dommes that specialize in BS, because lots of guys are AFRAID of dommes that do BS. And using the screen name ScatDomme certainly is aggressively marketing your specialty.

I’ve noticed that Delilah, for about a year or 2, has been aggressively marketing her non-BS sessions. I wonder if it is working for her, or is she “stereotyped”? That’s the problem, isn’t it, being stereotyped, especially with this specialty. There are biological limitations. How many BS sessions can one do in a day, anyway? And then there is the conflict between when clients want to session and bodily needs. Not an easy thing to manage, for sure. I imagine that a domme wouldn’t want to do more than one BS session a day, and fill the day with non-BS sessions. Unless …..

….. someone could invent a device to put poop back in. Not that hard in theory, but of course you would want it to be clean, easy to use, and also handle the poop “collection” in a clean, sanitary, and easy way. And then there is the issue of storage. Can you freeze poop? Does defrosted poop taste the same? Could the connoisseur tell the difference and be disappointed?

But if one COULD invent such a machine and mechanism, it could be great for both client and domme. For the domme, she could go whenever she wanted, and do as many BS sessions a day as she wanted. She could also charge by the amount if she wanted, a potential extra source of income. (One could also imagine a “poop” pasteurizer added attachment that could kill all the bugs and make the poop as safe as milk)

And for the client it would be an even bigger boon. He could not only get as much as he wants (no longer the heartache and frustration of the domme who can’t go), he could order specialty poops, hard, soft, diarrhea, even which foods produced them, such as broccoli poops, poop with corn, etc.

Of course, if such a machine was invented, it would then turn into a battle between the ladies that used the machines and the ones that didn’t. And then it would turn into wars on max fisch between the natural poop lovers and the clients that didn’t care. Now that is reason alone to invent such a device, lol. I’ll get lomax on it after he completes his current project (more on that soon).

An update on Larry the Farmer

Well the last we head of Larry the Farmer was in October, when he was in Acapulco living with a famous ex-NYC domme and working in the fast food industry. Well we got a postcard from him just last week. He is in Belize!! We have no idea how he got there, but his postcard said that he is married and that his wife is trying to kill him (God I hope she didn’t catch him fucking a pig!!). Lomax and I are planning how to extricate him. One or both of us will be going down there soon, maybe this week. Stay tuned ……..



]]> http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry090202-161357 Smellyballs Tue, 03 Feb 2009 00:13:57 GMT http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/comments.php?y=09&m=02&entry=entry090202-161357 http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry081223-151032
This is our special Christmas edition. First, from our inbox, a sampling of some of the emails we get, this batch commenting on LR#35. Then a few brief comments on the hot theads of the last couple of weeks. And finally, a Christmas story by lomax.

A sampling of our emails:

To the Editor:

I am the marketing director for “Bags Galore”, a company that designs and manufactures Colostomy bag covers using the latest fashion fabrics and pop culture symbols. We have “love bags”, “peace bags”, bags for democrats, bags for republicans, “Obama on a bag”, “the Britney Bag” (one of our biggest sellers), sports bags (the Brady bag, etc.), and one of our biggest sellers the “OJ is Innocent!” bag.

There is no need to hide your bag anymore.

Lance Hilltop, www.bagsgalore.com

----------------

Dear Mr. Balls,

My mother has had to live with a colostomy bag for 3 years. Fuck you.

Dave Piscatelli

----------------

Dear Editor,

We found your pathetic attempt at humor, well, frankly, pathetic. A colostomy bag is nothing to make fun of. Would make fun of someone with a big zit on their ass? I bet you would. You should be ashamed of youself!!

Danielle Donahooty, Executive Vice President, The Brown Bag Society.

----------------

To the Editor,

My name is Lisa, I am now 56, and I have been in therapy for 35 years, starting soon after I was peed on by “Anne” in 1970. I had just finished college (Brown University, Summa Cum Laude, International Relations) and was also a world class swimmer, and had a very good chance of making the US Olympic Team in in 400 meter freestyle. I was taking my niece to the Cape for the weekend when we were defiled by that disgusting pig. Two weeks later, I was leading in the nationals when, while I was swimming, I was thinking of being peed on and rammed by head into the pool wall. I fractured my skull, and suffered permanent brain damage. Not only was my swimming career over, but any chance at a career in journalism over as well, since the brain damage affected my speech. I spiraled into drug addiction, despression, and video games.

I eventually (after almost 20 years) pulled my life back together, and have done pretty well designing and manufacturing Southwestern Indian jewelry. My therapist says that I am over my obsession with Anne, but that doesn’t mean I forgive her. Peeing on innocents is not funny. It ruined my life.

Lisa Del Della

----------------

Mr. Smellyballs,

I am Hoover the anti-Christ. You should join me and find the peace you so desperately crave. Repeat the following chant 1000 times and then contact me: Inko Dinko Vasta Lem, Spiro Minky Shasta Wem”.

Hoover

----------------

Hello,

I am Svetlana, and I just ate my girlfriend’s pussy. Tomorrow I am going to fuck a horse. For great anal action, go to http://www.69russianwhore.com

Svetlana

----------------

Smellyballs,

When my daughter was 12 she saw a fat man’s naked pimply ass. I was worried at first, but she is now a senior at a top Midwest College getting all A’s in pre-law, and very happy and popular. Only thing, she only dates pimply fat men.

She wants to take a year or two off before law school. She says she wants to be a dominatrix? Should I object?

A concerned Dad

----------------

Hello to you smellyballs,

I much like you web blog. Pleased to show you video of Meestress Tara Indiana and Meestress Irene Boss in hot lesbo activity. Very high definition, no editing of pimples raw feetage. 35 United States dollars to my paypal, vijayshah@cumcast.net password delivered same day.

We also have other look alikes, Binyl Qween, Domina M, only Indian actresses over age 18, no dots.

Thank you,

Chuck Johnson

----------------


Now to our commentary:

Dominatrix = Prostitute according to Wordsmyth? (Lucifer Jones)

I don’t know this guy Wordsmyth, but to guys on my block, a prostitute is someone who will FUCK total strangers for money. That’s pretty much the street definition across America.

So if a dominatrix will fuck total strangers for money, she is also a prostitute. If she won’t, then she isn’t. On the streets of Brooklyn and most other places.

A little more street clarification. A girl who will fuck total strangers for free we call a whore. Denise, who is 17 and a virgin but will let her dates fuck her up the ass, we call her a slut, but not a whore, because she doesn’t fuck.


How can i make myself more attractive to women? (jamesrebel130)

I look at this that there are two types of guys: guys that women want to fuck (for whatever reason, looks, bod, money, personality, etc.), and the rest of us.

So if you are among the rest of us (which you probably are, if you are reading this blog) you have 2 choices:

- just be yourself, and you will eventually find someone anyway. You just won’t get laid much while you’re waiting.
- become one of those other guys, like my old friend “Halitosis Howie” did. All it took in his case was to grow a beard, a lot of Scope, and a law degree from Georgetown.

In either case, we also suggest lots of masturbation and an occasional visit to your favorite dominatrix. It won’t make you more fuckable, but at least you can have fun while you’re waiting for Ms. Right.

Who objects to my topless avatar? (Domina Caitlin)

Well duh, of course no one objects. First, you have great boobies, and second, there are no flies buzzing around them like on my avatar. If you want, I’ll gladly add the flies (first one is free, after that 10.99 per fly. Buy 4 get the fifth free!!).

Btw having flies buzz around your avatar is a can’t miss revenue generator. The Aphrodisiacical properties of flies is well documented. Lomax once rubbed honey over his cock and balls before we went to a nude beach in Rhode Island a few years ago, specifically to attract flies, and hence women. However, all he attracted was horse flies, it wasn’t pretty. Horse flies are very very persistent and their bites really really hurt.

But, about a year later, he tried to get a domme to do a horsefly CBT session. He got a domme to agree, so he built this contraption with two compartments, one for his cock and balls, the other for the horse flies, with a removable wall between them. A few days before the session he dragged me to Jones Beach to gather horseflies, but we couldn’t catch any. He tried a couple more times with no luck, so he moved on. Anyone interested in the contraption?

Some Positive News for a Change... (Rapturevision)

Well that is good news, glad you’re back in biz, Rap!! One suggestion, get some meatier models!! We like big boobs and/or big butts and/or amazons and/or full figured.

Cum consumption.... (Scarlette1313)

Hey whatever floats you boat, is how I look at it. But lomax and I aren’t into any “bi-sexual” types of play.

But I do have a question for dommes. There are certain things that I think are edgy enough that you don’t have to put in your “hard limits” list, because a domme is not going to spring these edgy things on you without asking in the pre-session chat.

For instance, if I book for a corporal/cbt session, and I am tied up, I wouldn’t expect a domme to extemporaneously shit on me, fist me, etc. And I consider “bi-sexual” play in that category. If I want my dick sucked by a guy, I’ll ask you. Don’t just spring it on me. Don’t you think that’s fair?

Well a domme in Amsterdam last September didn’t think so. She ties me up, blindfolds me, and then (I could peek a little through the blindfold) she opens a closet and out crawls this little albino slave, who crawls over to me on all fours. Then she tells him that he has to suck my cock.

Well I was out of that dungeon and on the streets in about 90 seconds, after screaming bloody murder. I wanted out so bad I didn’t even try to get my tribute back. I was really skeeved and pissed, but I calmed down after about 5 drinks. Then I spent another 70 Euros to get my dick sucked by a girl (or at least someone who looked like a girl, lol). I did feel bad for the Albino guy though, he must have been real disappointed. I didn’t feel bad for the domme at all.

So, fellow subs, if you’re in Amsterdam, and you see this very well known young blond dominatrix, and you aren’t into being blown by an Albino male, put it on your hard limits list. But if you are, book a flight tomorrow!! (btw this is a TRUE story!!)


And finally, a short Christmas story from lomax:

A Toilet’s Christmas Fantasy, by lomax

As we all know, there are different Christmas traditions in different parts of the world. In a remote corner of Eastern Europe, in Turdylvania, on December 23rd ……..

“Mommy, tell us again about Santa Turd!!”
“Well dears, if you’ve been good, Santa will come in the middle of the night and take a shit in your stocking. But if you’ve been bad, he’ll put candy in your stocking.”
“Yuk, I hate candy, mommy. I hope I’ve been a good enough girl to get a nice big juicy turd!!”
“I’m sure you have been, dear”.

Meanwhile, at the North Pole ………

“Holy Jesus, do I have to take a fucking shit!!”
“Just a couple of more days, Santa, and you can shit your brains out.”
“Making all these toys is hard enough, but holding in my shit for 3 months is asking a little too much of an old guy like me. “
“I feel for you dear, but you knew the score when you took the job. Toys for all the Christians, turds for all the Turdylvanians and a couple dozen guys in New York City. Just think of how good you’ll feel on Christmas morning.“
“If I make it until Christmas morning!!”

Meanwhile, back in Turdylvania, little Igor and Alena were lying in bed, but unable to sleep …….

“I got a letter last week from my cousin Feodora”, Alena said. “She is hoping Santa gives her an IPhone. “
“WTF is that about? You mean they don’t get turds in Iowa?”
“Guess not. That sucks for them!”
“What do you hope Santa has been eating?”
“Creamed corn and brussel sprouts!!”
“Me too!!”

and at the North Pole, early Christmas Eve afternoon ……….

“Quick, get the shit bag, I can’t take it any longer!!”
“You mean Mrs. Claus?”
“No, not that shit bag, idiot, the shit bag for Turdylvania!!”
“C’mon Santa, just 8 more hours. You can do it. You don’t want to disappoint those little boys and girls by giving them stale turds, do you?”
“Then get me some Kaopectate!!”
“But Santa, that stuff binds you up for days!!. Remember ’83? (Editors note: 1983 was the year of the “Great Constipation”, when Santa couldn’t go. The kids of Turdylvania got reindeer droppings.)
“Fine, but if I shit all over the sleigh, you have to clean it up.”

On a cold, clear Christmas morning in Turdylvania, the aroma of fresh shit, mixed with just a hint of brussells sprouts, wafts into the kids bedroom. It’s Christmas!! …….

“Wake up Alena, I smell shit!!” The kids run downstairs to find their stockings full of shit.
“Mommy, Daddy, Santa Turd filled both our stockings with shit!! Can we eat it now??!!”
“Just a taste for now, little ones. Save the rest for after breakfast.” The kids each eat a heaping tablespoon.
“mmmmmmmmmm”.
Just then Igor and Alena’s older brother Hans comes downstairs. He teases the little ones. “Do you still believe that Santa Turd comes to every house in Turdylvania and shits in every kids stocking? It smells like Mom’s shit to me.”
“Don’t be silly, Hans, Mom didn’t have brussell sprouts last night!!”

and finally, back at the Pole…………

“Wow, do I feel great”, a contented Santa Turd sighed as he relaxed in his lazy boy. “What a night. I shit all over Turdylvania, it never stopped. My only disappointment was that by the time I got to New York, it was all diarrhea.”
“Oh don’t sweat it, Santa. Those New York toilet boys LOVE diarrhea!!”

The End, and Have a Merry Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, et al!!









]]> http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry081223-151032 Smellyballs Tue, 23 Dec 2008 23:10:32 GMT http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/comments.php?y=08&m=12&entry=entry081223-151032 http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry081210-055527
Why would any domme allow intimate body worship? (Domina Caitlin)

552 replies!! Wow, who knows how long it would have lasted if it wasn’t locked.

So let’s get down to the nitty gritty. Let’s put aside the legal issues, and the disease issues, and the emotional/ethical issues that some people have with allowing sexual acts, and ask the fundamental question: Can eating pussy be a submissive act?

Well certainly in some social circles. I have heard (seen on TV mostly) that black and Hispanic males (and Italian males too) consider eating pussy very unmasculine, so unmasculine that saying that a guy eats pussy is an insult (remember what happened to Junior on the Sopranos?).

Among Caucasian males however, especially among the upper middle class, eating pussy is just a fun act. So our advice to dommes is this: only allow cunt licking from Blacks and Italians. They will consider it demeaning, submissive, humiliating. Everyone else, from the French to the Swedes, the Germans, the English, Asian, etc, will be putting one over on ya, so to speak.

Of course blanket generalities like the above have only so much validity, because there are always exceptions to the rule. Just like Junior Soprano, I know a couple of Italians that like eating pussy. I am an exception, in fact, a Caucasian male that doesn’t particularly like eating pussy. Over the years I have lost my taste for pussy. It could be the low sodium diet, I don’t know. So for me, though it wouldn’t be a submissive act, it could, under the right circumstances, be a sadistic one. A normal pussy wouldn’t gross me out, but certain pussy’s could. I will spare ya’ll the details and leave it at that.

Lomax, on the other hand, if you ever saw HIM eating pussy, you would KNOW that it wasn’t a submissive act.

Teen girls sexually abuse elderly (generic2)

We at the Lobby Report were shocked at this thread. Not at generic2 getting off on fantasizing about this, but at the number of dommes that were horrified that he would. So that led us to explore the following question:

Are all Dommes really Perverted?

By perverted we mean a serious sadist or masochist, or have a serious fetish. Lomax says most aren’t.

“I consulted my list. Of the 62 dommes I have seen, only 10 would I guess were “clinical” sadists, and from another 15 I got the feeling that they were pretty warped sexually in some way or other. So that is 25 out of 62, or just about 40%. Which means that 60% aren’t truly perverted. Now I know this isn’t scientific, so the real number could be higher or smaller, but the point is that a significant number of dommes are not perverts,

“Sure the rest are a little kinky, I would imagine, it would be hard to be a domme without having some love of kink, but for them kink is still more of a diversion, so to speak.”

Thanks lomax. I’ll leave it to another day as to why these women are dommes, how good they can be as dommes, etc. What I want to discuss here is why a lot of dommes get so bent out of shape when a sub says he got turned on by reading about a couple of girls abusing an old man.

Well the simple answer would just be because it’s non-consensual, and is not politically correct. But I think it’s more than that. I think that these women aren’t real perverts, in addition to being politically correct.

So for the non-real perverts out there, I will explain how this sexual perversion stuff works. Most of us real perverts became real perverts when we were pretty young. Some as young as 5 or 6, others in our teens at the latest. None of us knew about pro dommes, or Safe Sane Consensual, or any of that. All most of us had were our fantasies, for the most part. And even though most of us, even at a young age, had developed enough of a social conscience and self respect not to unleash our perversions on society, we let our fantasies have free reign (of course there occasional exceptions, boys will be boys. Lomax tried to worship his aunt’s high heels when he was 9. A couple of times I tried to egg girls on to beat me up in middle school.). Sure some of had a lot of guilt over our fantasies, but for the most part we couldn’t control them.

None of us knew, in those early days, that adults act out these types of fantasies for fun, and that there were professional women that would act out your fantasies with you. We thought that the only S&M was real S&M, and for us on the M side of S&M, our fantasies were about real life situations of being trapped by women, tortured by women, whatever your thing was. (My first S&M fantasy was that I was trapped on a boat with Mimi, a sixth grader in my class, who had me tied up and would force me to have sex with her, and then stick batteries up my ass).

The point of all this is, is that for most of us, S&M started out as non-consensual in our fantasies. By the time I discovered that adults did S&M for fun, at around age 16, and there were women who would tie me up and whip me (for money or for free), my sexuality was pretty much cast in stone. The only thing that changed is that I was now fantasizing that those leather-clad women in the magazines were doing the torturing instead of Mimi. Non-consensually of course.

But most real perverts know all this.

Speaking of political correctness, it’s now politically incorrect to make fun of people with colostomy bags. I’m providing this as a warning to ya’ll, so you won’t get sued or beat up or anything. Lomax got sued by the BBS (the Brown Bag Society, an advocacy group for colostomy bag wearers), for an article he wrote about a friend of his (in another publication). He settled, and has to do 300 hours of community service at nursing homes in South Florida, which among other things, entails emptying and cleaning the bags. He also has to march in the Delray Beach Colostomy Bag Pride Day parade, carrying two colostomy bags, with a sign around his neck that says “No Colon, No Problem!!”. So lomax may not be around for awhile.

The article he wrote was about a friend of his named Howie who couldn’t get a S&M session because of his colostomy bag. Howie was riding his unicycle, drunk as a skunk, down one of those big San Francisco hills, lost control, picked up speed, and slammed into a telephone pole. He broke just about everything, including severing his large intestine. Because of his injuries, and his 20 years of drinking, it would be at least a year of recuperating (and clean living) before he can get patched up and get rid of the bag.

Well Howie is a foot fetishist and CBT lover, and after six months of no sessions couldn’t take it anymore. But not one domme in San Francisco would session with him. Even the famous Vinyl Queen wouldn’t, and was quoted in the article saying “It wasn’t so much the bag, it was the smell!!” But that wasn’t the line that lomax got in trouble with, it was his line editorializing on the whole situation: “If Howie and these other fucking brown baggers would just use a little common hygiene! I walked into Howie’s apartment and there he is, lying passed out on the couch, his bag overflowing. No wonder no dommes will session with him. If he’s the poster child for colostomy bags, then they all should be locked up!!

Well, the colostomy police (i.e. the BBS) went after him with a vengeance. Poor Howie became the laughing stock of the colostomy scene. He was shunned at BBS dances and other BBS events. He was kicked off of his BBS bowling team. He kept setting up sessions with dommes, but as soon as they saw that bag dangling (and the smell) the session was over before it started. So Howie just stayed home and watched TV and masturbated.

The only good news that came out of all of this, is that Howie did clean up the rest of his life, if not his personal hygiene. He hasn’t had a drink since the accident, and is scheduled for surgery to reattach his colon two months earlier than anticipated. He is, however, not very happy with the pro domme community, and isn’t sure if he can ever session with San Francisco dommes again. He is thinking of moving to LA.

Lomax is in Florida. National Colostomy Bag Pride Day is February 15th, and he wants to get his community service over by then. Wish him well!!


What EVER Happened?? (Mistress Michelle)

Mistress Michelle was bemoaning the lack of respect for the history of BDSM in America. We agree, it is a shame that there isn’t a museum or something. Discussing this thread got us to reminisce about the old days, whose pictures we would jerk of to (Mistress Michelle, you were on both our lists!! As was Jennifer Jordan, Cointess Anne, etc.), early experiences, etc.

Though I had heard most of Lomax’s stories before, he told me something about his past that I never knew or heard about: The Roadside Pisser. The Roadside Pisser was a woman who would hide in the trees at those little picnic groves that they had by the side of the road, and piss on the picnickers. She operated in the sixties, in Southern New England. She’d climb a tree that hung over a picnic table, and start drinking beer (always Haffenreffer Private Stock, they would always find the empties under the tree) until her victims appeared. She only pissed on women and children, never adult men. Her favorite were the real wholesome families, conservatively dressed, wooden picnic basket, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, etc. She would wait until they had their picnic all set up and they had started eating. She’d start with a few little squirts, aiming for their heads, or their sandwiches. When mom would finally look up to see where it was coming from, she’d let out the full stream, getting mom right in the face. Then she’d piss all over the kids, and the food. They’d usually start screaming and run away, often running to their car and driving away, leaving behind whatever belongings were pissed on.

The Roadside Pisser was never caught, even though there were scores of police reports, from Cape Cod to Rhode Island, from the Berkshires to the Connecticut shoreline. Good decent folks don’t want to stay around when a naked crazy girl in the trees is pissing on them. Especially in the 60’s, when even things like nudity were a shock. Mom had enough explaining to do when she got home as it was.

So after lomax told me about the Roadside Pisser, he came out with the punch line:
“I met the Roadside Pisser, smelly, hung out with her, gave her ride”.

“I was taking a dump in the woods at one of the roadside rests, finished, was walking out of the woods when I heard these little girls screaming. So I ran towards the sound, thinking they needed help. But by the time I arrived, they were already in their car and driving away. Then I saw this naked girl climbing out of a tree.

“She wasn’t that pretty, but had one of the nicest bodies that I had ever seen. Hourglass figure, big boobs, a natural 36-24-36. I was only 19 at the time, and way too shy to do or say anything, but she spotted me and said, ‘Hi, I’m Anne. Got a car? The police will be here soon.’

“So I gave her a ride. She didn’t even put on her clothes, just grabbed them, and her backpack, and jumped in the front seat of my ‘63 Mercury Comet. We hadn’t gone 5 miles when she started rubbing my crotch. Then she gave me the best blow job of my life!! While I was driving on the Connecticut Turnpike!!

“After I came, she went into her knapsack and pulled out a giant black dildo. ‘I’m going into the back seat. It’s my turn now’, she said. So she climbed into the back seat, lay down across the seat on her back, and started masturbating with the dildo. I couldn’t believe it, a knockout girl, stark naked, who just gave me a great blowjob, is in the back seat of my car masturbating!!

“Two thing I forgot to mention. I had no idea she was the Roadside Pisser at this point. And my Comet was a convertible, and the top was down.

“Needless to say, a naked girl masturbating in a convertible on the Connecticut Turnpike in 1969 created quite a mess. Truckers surrounded our car, honking, hooting, rolling down their windows, etc. Anne was oblivious. I was terrified. I eventually took an exit, and got on Route 1, so their would be no cars passing us. I found a roadside rest and pulled over, just as Anne was finishing up.

“She had a six-pack of Haffenreffer Malt Liquor in her backback, so we spent the next hour drinking them and shooting the shit. Then she told me she wanted to pee on me, to take my clothes off and lie on the picnic table. She didn’t climb up a tree, just stood over me and gave me my first golden shower. All over me!! A couple of cars pulled into the rest area, but saw us, and sped away.

“Then she fucked my brains out, right on the picnic table.

“After that we put our clothes on. I passed out in my car, I was pretty drunk. When I awoke, Anne was gone.

“A couple of days later I read in the paper that the Roadside Pisser struck again, and I put two and two together (duh!). A few days after that I had my first herpes attack.

“But smelly, it was worth it!!”

bita bita bita bita bita, that’s all, folks!!


(Oops, I lied, that’s not quite all. Lomax called me this morning from Florida, and when I told him I was putting his Roadside Pisser story in the Lobby Report, he added this little footnote. It turns out that 30 years after his roadside pissing incident, in the late 90’s, he was in Rhode Island at a bowling alley for his niece’s 12th birthday party. There was an adult women’s bowling league going on a few lanes away, and he saw Anne!! She now looked like a typical Warwick Rhode Island housewife, maybe 20 pounds heavier, but still very sexy looking. She had on a wedding ring.

Lomax went over and re-introduced himself when he had a chance, and talked to her for a few minutes, just small talk mostly. She was a little embarrassed at first, but eventually opened up. She mentioned to him that she has a diary of her 60’s escapades, and is thinking of writing a book, when her kids grow up (she has a 16 year old daughter who is her youngest). Lomax offered his help, and she took his number. Lomax (being lomax) asked “how about a quick golden shower, for old times sake”. She smiled coyly, lifted her wedding ring up to his eye level, and said, “Not today, honey, maybe some day. Keep in touch”.)






]]> http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry081210-055527 Smellyballs Wed, 10 Dec 2008 13:55:27 GMT http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/comments.php?y=08&m=12&entry=entry081210-055527 http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry081105-071317
DOMME ALTERNATIVES

NYC dommes are retiring in droves, houses are closing, and many of the active dommes are not taking new clients. So it may just be that the days of “dommes galore” are over, at least for awhile.

Not that this is something new. When we started out, it was much harder to find a compatible domme. All the top dommes were booked solid, dommes were much more selective, and their schedules were much tighter. There was none of this, “I want to get peed on tonight, I’ll make a few calls”, and you would get peed on. Last minute sessions were pretty impossible, except possibly at a house. But then you got a noobie, with compatibility a very hit and miss proposition.

So lomax and I have quite a lot of experience with “domme alternatives”, and we thought we’d share some of this valuable information with you poor guys, to help ya’ll get through this tough time. When you need your S&M fix, you need your S&M fix. Or as lomax eloquently says, “I didn’t stick icicles up my ass because I wanted to stick icicles up my ass. I stuck icicles up my ass because I NEEDED to stick icicles up my ass. (Lomax had this great idea that icicles would be a good thing to stick up his ass because he wouldn’t have the problem of something (like a pepperoni) getting lost in there, an embarrassing trip to the ER, etc. We at the Lobby Report do not recommend this, however, since we don’t know if freezing a colon is safe.)

Self Domming

Or in other words, complex masturbation. A bunch of hot pictures or a video, enough drugs and alcohol, and a little imagination, and you can have a pretty decent session. I used to do it a lot during my single days, self flagellation mostly. I had an 8 mm movie projector I would use once in a while, but mostly used pictures.

Lomax would have to sneak off to motels, with his suitcase full of porn, whips, dildos, candles, and of course beer, pot, coke, and poppers. He would pick out of the way little motels in the country, and try to get an end unit, or one of those little cabins. He would stay up all night, abusing himself, whipping himself, fucking himself, dripping wax on himself, and of course in the winter, the icicles. (He would often drive pretty far, up to Dutchess county, for bigger icicles).


Overall, self domming can be pretty good, plus it costs a lot less, and you don’t have to shower or put on deodorant.

Peep Shows and Video Booths

Well this was a staple for me when I was in my 20’s and broke. Get off for a buck or two. I would go to Show World in Times Square, and look for S&M videos in the booths, or a peep show girl that was a little dommy. A little helpful hint, bring your own toilet paper. (ps I still have a few Show World tokens from the 80’s. Wonder if they’ll still work?)

Live S&M Shows

This was another one of my favorites. I used to be able to get a session for $20. Sometimes Show World had them (upstairs), and there was a place downtown I used to go to. I was always the first to volunteer, sometimes the only one to volunteer!

I don’t know if there are places like that anymore, but if not maybe they’ll come back, with all the unemployed dommes looking for work.

Swingers Parties

I’ve never been to a swinger’s party, but Lomax has, and says that occasionally he can get a golden shower or a spanking, but it takes a lot of work, and a lot of balls too. He says that after awhile you can get pretty good at picking out the kinky ones. “It’s not just the freaky looking ones”, he says, “you have to look deeper than that.”

I remember one time, though, he got a crush on a one legged girl that peed on him at a swinger’s party. It ended badly though, with her husband and a couple of friends meeting him with baseball bats one night in her driveway.
“She couldn’t pee straight anyway”, was all he said when he got home from the hospital.

S&M Parties

It’s funny, I never minded volunteering at those sleazy S&M shows in the 80’s, getting spanked while a few wankers wanked off. But these slick S&M parties that they have nowadays are crowded, too well lit, too many beautiful people, etc., just don’t do it for me. But if they do it for you, go for it!!

Shower Alternatives




Or try this

Phone S&M

This is something I never did, but lomax did from time to time. Do it if you like it, but I always prefer personal contact.

Financial Domming

We both think that this really sucks, for us. But for those who are into it, well it should get more popular with everyone afraid. Happy check writing!!

Escorts

Escorts are a great source of S&M, but of course the dommes don’t want you to know that. Many escorts either don’t do it or are terrible at it, but the good ones can be great!! Plus of course the extras. I could fill up 3 lobby reports with lomax’s and my S&M experiences with escorts, but that would get everyone mad, lol. You’re going to have to “experiment”, suffer through a few bad sessions, but when you find a good one, you’ll have a lot of fun. Though I must say, the best S&M escorts we have found are still not as good (for us) as a great domme.

Finally, here are the DONTS, things that you should never do, no matter how desperate you are to have your peepee whacked.

Stalking

Ok, even I have been guilty of following a girl with thigh high boots for a couple of blocks. Lomax has gone further, he even had the cops intervene when some poor girl noticed him following her for blocks, and then into a Burger King. Very embarrassing for poor lomax. He wouldn’t hurt a fly, he was just so desperate for S&M he couldn’t help himself.

Trying to get S&M from a Neighbor

Lomax again. A big no no, for the obvious reasons (described in an earlier lobby report)

Trying to get S&M from your wife

The ultimate in desperation. So sad, so sad.
,
Getting yourself beat up

What true masochist hasn’t fantasized about walking into a lesbian biker bar and screaming out loud “Which one of you fat queers want to blow me!!?” But don’t do it!!! Lomax got a broken leg, two broken vertebrae, and a ruptured spleen. Chains hurt, so do golf clubs. Luckily for him he was only 20 at the time, and in great shape. Oakland California, 1969. He hitchhiked cross country to be with the flower people, but did a hit of orange sunshine and his raging masochism took over. I don’t know how he found a lesbian biker bar, but he did, and the rest is history.

So that’s the do’s and don’ts of surviving the domme dearth. Now onto our regular activity, lobby commentary.

Does anyone not expect to get off? (lady Madison)

Ask ANY house owner, and they will tell you: to get repeat customers, make sure they cum. (Tara said that in so many words). Another house owner told me cumming was called “the money shot” in her house. Enough said.

That doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong at all about dommes that forbid or don’t emphasize release. To each their own, for both clients and dommes. Lomax did want to point out, however, that most of the GREAT dommes he has seen do allow release. By great he doesn’t mean dommes that he personally likes, but the dommes that everyone knows about, have been around a long time, and are universally revered. Dommes that have no problem filling up their calendar.

As far as not liking fat old guys, etc., we would suggest any woman who is thinking of being a domme to browse Clips4sale.com, especially the hard core S&M stuff, Cheyenne, Irene, etc. Look at the guys, that’s what your clients are going to look like. Can’t deal with it? Go back to school.

Guys in their 40’s and 50’s don’t look as good as guys in their 20’s and 30’s, the typical domme age. Fact of life.

In the neighborhood I grew up in, which was mostly Italian, most of the guys and girls were super hot in their 20’s and early 30’s. Then, when the Italian girls reach their late thirties or early 40’s, they fall apart over night (literally over night in some cases, I swear). They gain 100 pounds, shrink 5 inches, get piano legs, hair on their faces, and lose all fashion sense. Most of the Italian guys however, stay pretty good looking into their sixties. How unfair is that?

“Yeah but the guys catch up, sooner or later”, says lomax. “As the Fugs once said: we’re all gonna look like monkeys some day”.

The Manual (Walrus Mfg. Co., et. al)

Ok, we didn’t read half of all the posts on all the threads that discussed this super hot issue. But most of what we did read were totally missing what lomax considers the 2 essential points:

- Dommes are not taught, they are born. Having a manual for dommes is like having a manual for the Hell’s Angels. Sure there are skills required, that can be taught (like how to sew up a ball sack), but the “conduct” thing is either there already or not. “You can teach a Hell’s Angel better stomping techniques, but not to WANT to stomp someone to death. You’re either born with that or you’re not”, says lomax. “How to flirt, be sexy, be a bitch, be dominant, make guys get a crush on you, find their weakness and exploit it, leave them a little satisfied but not fully satisfied, that kind of stuff you either have or don’t.”

“smelly, there are women that ALL guys want to fuck. Those are the ones that make the best dommes, especially if they want to stomp someone to death!!”

- A manual in itself is emasculating. Domming comes from self empowerment, and the power exchange between domme and client, not from the manual the “boss” wrote. When to be mean, when to be kind, when to flirt, etc. is not something that you should have to ask the boss about, or look up in a manual.” (So is that why dommes leave the dungeon all the time, to look up in the manual what to do next?! I though it was to smoke a joint or do a line of coke, or just to kill time).

Serice Oriented? (assplease)

Well lomax and I are definitely NOT service oriented. In fact, with the exception of lifestyle players and a handful of crossover (lifestyle + pro or client) players we don’t think anyone is. It’s all about dommes trying to get stuff done for free and subs trying to either get free sessions or get the domme to fall in love with them.

“It’s no different than high school, the nerdy guys that do favors for the hot girls thinking that they will eventually realize that they are a lot nicer than their boyfriends”, espouses the lomseter. “It works in the movies, but in real life, very rarely.”

Of course what lomax fails to mention is that HE very often “pretends to be a submissive”, for all sorts of reasons. He mostly does it because he is big and scary looking, and probably would never get a session if when he met the domme he said “Hey toots!!”, e.g. He thinks that being (or acting) submissive, in addition to being a sexual deviancy of sorts, is also the “behavior protocol” of the S&M session. Don’t act submissive at the beginning of a session with a new domme and you’re out the door, he thinks.

I wonder. Sure most dommes start off sessions with acts of submission (get down on all fours, kiss my heels, etc.), but I wonder if it is more out of habit than done to test us to see if we’re going to be a good boy. Because most dommes start their sessions like that with regulars too, guys they have no reason to “test”.

Do you miss them? (wolf)

Yes we do!! We miss the sane ones (Sade, Ardenne, etc), but especially the wacky ones, especially Dietrich and Rapturevision.

Btw we think Rapturevision is getting a bum rap lately on the boards. Now that he is out of the scene (and not apt to fight back) it’s open season of Rapturevision bashing. Well we think that is so lame. We think he is a good guy, who has been totally fucked over by the cops. Do the max Fisch regulars give him their moral support? Hardly, they dance on his grave. Why? For some, it is because he called them a bad name. Others just didn’t like his style, or the style of his dungeon, or his marketing techniques. Well fuck youse!!

So, we are entering a period of pro domme recession in NYC. Less dommes, less clients, less money all around, more paranoia. Some, like Harlequin, think this dark cloud may have a silver lining, by forcing S&M back underground, where it probably belongs. The mainstreaming was tried, it failed, S&M is better hidden and raunchy anyway.

Well we agree with that, but we also think that for some folk the last few years was a marvelous period, the golden age, maybe, for S&M in NYC. 10 years from now they will still be talking about how great it was during this period, how cool Rapture was, and how great the Rapture girls were.

Though not me and lomax. We’re with Harlequin. We’re hoping that after all the 20 something fetish model types flee the scene some of the older great dommes will come back. Yippee!!






]]> http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry081105-071317 Smellyballs Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:13:17 GMT http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/comments.php?y=08&m=11&entry=entry081105-071317 http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry081014-153046
Since our last Lobby Report, so much has gone down, so many changes happened, that we didn’t know where to begin. We actually wrote a whole Lobby Report a couple of weeks ago, but decided it was inappropriate, so we canned the material for another day, when things “stabilize”.

Amazingly, we received this email from our good friend Larry the Farmer, who disappeared off the face of the earth a couple of months ago. It turns out that he just packed up and left Oklahoma, for no reason that we know, and ended up working for a Carnival in Mexico. Wouldn’t you know he bumped into a couple of folk who may have been prominent in the NYC S&M scene at one time. So this week’s lobby report is from good ol’ Larry:


Hi Smellyballs and Lomax,

Here is what happened to me.

I had only been with the carnival about two weeks, and only had one friend so far, Sophie the fat lady. Yes we were lovers too, I know you wondered right away. She doesn’t know it, but it was the reason I joined this depressing band of ex-cons and freaks. To fuck Sophie.

Anyway, we were sitting outside her van, fighting the bugs on a sticky Monterey (Mexico, not California) night, talking, smoking, and listening to a gang bang that was taking place in the carnival dumpster, which was directly in front of us, about 20 feet or so away. Sophie was rubbing my crotch.

“I wonder why Sadie uses the dumpster to turn her tricks?”, I asked Sophie.
“Why don’t you ask her?”, she responded, giving my dick a pretty good whack. “Maybe it’s the only place she can find that she won’t be bothered, how the fuck would I know?” I think Sophie is a little jealous of Sadie, being that I do an S&M show with Sadie. Not part of the regular carnival of course, part of the secret “adult” carnival that starts when the regular carnival shuts down. During the day I run one of the rides, usually.

Sadie does a snake act in the freak show, does her S&M show where she ties me up and whips me while a half dozen or so Mexicans jerk off, and after the show does tricks sometimes. Tonight she is doing 3 Mexicans in the dumpster. Jose, Jose, and Mort, I think. They came to the S&M show and made a deal with her right after. I don’t speak much Spanish yet, but I think Mort got off quickly, and found some fried dough in the dumpster and was having a snack while Sadie was working on the two Jose’s.

I like fat girls AND S&M, and Sophie knows that. She will beat me around a little once in awhile if she is drunk and stoned, but she won’t shit in my mouth, something I really want her to do. Bad. I only asked her once, so far. Hey, it’s only been two weeks. But even if we didn’t do any S&M, me and Sophie, I wouldn’t care. Just being with a 600 pound woman at all is beyond my wildest dreams. She does let me go down on her as much as I want, even lick her butt hole. Her ex-husband wouldn’t do that, because of the smell. I don’t mind the smell at all, actually.

Sadie and her boyfriend Fred joined the carnival about 2 weeks before I did. They are from New York City. Fred was leaning on his station wagon, smoking a cigarette, and keeping an eye on the dumpster. He seemed pretty disinterested in the action, just waiting for it to end. I don’t mind Fred at all, actually like him. But most of the other carny’s don’t. He’s sort of egotistical, and a little crazy I think. He’s already been in a couple of fights.

I have heard a few rumors about Fred and Sadie, that they were rich, ran a big S&M house in New York City, but got in trouble with the law and had to disappear. Big deal, half the people in the carnival are wanted back home for something.

Sophie and Fred had a little fling, I think, before I arrived. At least that’s the vibe I get from them.

Anyway, it was finally starting to cool off a bit, the bugs weren’t as bad as they were awhile ago, and Sadie finally finished the two Jose’s off and crawled out of the dumpster, followed shortly be the three Mexicans. If anyone can look sexy crawling out of a dumpster it is Sadie. After a few pleasantries with the Mexicans, Sophie and Fred walked over to us carrying a couple of chairs and bottle of tequila. Sadie smelled of garbage and a little cummy too, but what can you do.

So we drank some tequila, smoked a couple of joints, and listened to Fred talk about how great he is and all the great things he’s done in the past and will do in the future. I think Sadie wanted to go to bed, she was yawning every ten seconds. Suddenly Fred said, “Why don’t we all go in the dumpster and fuck!!”.

Well I knew that there very little chance that a 600 pound woman could ever get in a dumpster, and no chance that she could ever get out. Sophie knew that too, but I was pretty surprised when she said “Why don’t we all just go in the van?”

But Sadie got up and said she was going to bed, and I think Fred was hot on fucking Sadie and Sophie in the dumpster, so when he realized it wasn’t going to happen he said good night and walked off, though not toward his station wagon.

I watched Sadie crawl in the back of the station wagon, pull up the back door, and disappear. I had the feeling that she was going to be in a bad mood tomorrow, and really beat the crap out of me.

Sophie’s eyes followed Fred til he disappeard into the dark. Then she turned to me and said, “I got to take a giant shit, if you can get me into the dumpster I’ll shit in your mouth until dawn.”

Suddenly my fears about getting her into the dumpster vanished. I would get her in somehow, fulfill my wildest fantasies, and worry about the consequences in the morning. I ran as fast as I could to the maintenance tent and grabbed the strongest ladder I could find and set it aside the dumpster. Sophie managed to climb up the ladder, put one leg over the top of the dumpster, and fell into the trash. I heard a man’s voice scream, and when I looked in the dumpster I saw Sophie, and a little bit of Fred underneath her. I climbed in and rolled Sophie off of him, miraculously he was not hurt.

It really smelled in the dumpster, like rotting garbage of course, though most of the trash we were lying on wasn’t too gross, paper cups and plates mostly, half eaten fast food, and of course a bunch of Mexican splooge. The 500 flies were a pain too. I wasn’t that surprised to see Fred, since I knew he had the hots for Sophie. He had a bottle of tequila, we sipped a little, and then went at it.

The nicest thing (for me) about 2 guys having group sex with a 600 pound woman is that you really don’t have the know the other guy is there at all, if you want to. I spent most of the first time on the bottom, doing 69 with Sophie, while Fred fucked her in the ass. After we all came we drank the rest of the Tequila, rested awhile, and then Sophie shit all over us. What an incredible amount of shit that woman can produce!! Then all of us covered in shit, we did round two, with Sophie on her side and me fucking her in the ass and Fred was fucking one of her fat folds while fingering her pussy. Because of all the shit, a lot of refuse was sticking to us, but no one seemed to care. We all came a second time, and then passed out.

Being new, I had no idea when they came to empty the dumpsters. I awoke just before the jolt, I must have heard the garbage truck as it was approaching. I was on my feet by the time the dumpster was being lifted. Sophie was awake now too, but Fred was still passed out cold. The top of the dumpster was already almost at a 45 degree angle. We were all going to die!! Sophie screamed to me “Jump out and get them to stop!!” I hadn’t thought of that, I was already trying to help Sophie, though it was of no use. I kissed her, than managed to just jump out of the dumpster before it emptied its contents. But my head hit something on the way down, and that’s the last I remembered ……

Until I heard a little kid say “Look mom, there’s a naked man over there covered in shit and garbage lying on the ground!!”

My head hurt like hell, but my first thought was for Sophie and Fred. I coundn’t stand, so I crawled over to the dumpster and pulled myself up. It was empty.

Well after that I knew my carnival days were soon to be over. A couple of guys brought me around back and hosed me off. I showered, talked to the carnival owner, who called the police, who already knew about the bodies from the Landfill Company. It’s hard to miss a naked 600 pound woman, even in a landfill. No charges were filed.

Sadie was of course devastated, but comforted somewhat that Fred must have died happy. We did the S&M show for a few more nights, but she didn’t have the heart to turn any tricks. A new fat lady showed up the very next day, but she had a husband and two kids with her. I of course was the laughing stock of the carnival.

“Ever been to Acapulco?” asked Sadie after about a week had passed, on a Sunday morning. So that’s where I am now, with Sadie. We’re living in a motel and working at a KFC, for the time being. I’m not much into thin chicks, and she’s not much into 60 year old guys, but for some reason it’s working really good, the sex. I wonder if I should ask her to shit on me?

Larry



]]> http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry081014-153046 Smellyballs Tue, 14 Oct 2008 22:30:46 GMT http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/comments.php?y=08&m=10&entry=entry081014-153046 http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080816-165647
Hi folks. Well believe it or not, August 25th is the 1 year anniversary of the lobby report. Who would have thunk we would last this long? The next issue will be our official anniversary issue, but this issue is our pre-anniversary issue, complete with a contest!! Enjoy!

is client erection important to a pro mistress ? (blitzkrieg)

Although both lomax and I are at least semi-potent, neither one of us, even in our younger days, were “lumberjack subs”. That is, a sub who gets rock hard the second they are in the presence of a domme and stays that way throughout the session. Occaisonally we are hard for most if not all of a session, but usually, it goes up, it goes down, bing, boing, and hopefully is up for the exciting ending the domme has planned. If not, well, at least I accept this as something that is going to happen periodically, and don’t get too bummed or embarrassed. Lomax, as previously reported, is usually too emotionally and physically spent at the end of a session to cum. Especially if he has already came earlier in the session, which often happens too him.

The key, of course, is to accept who you are, who your dick is, and work with whatever god gave you. This is much easier said than done, especially in America, where all the most expensive country clubs are filled with orthodontists and plastic surgeons and guys that own hair replacement salons and sell male enhancement products. Too often we don’t feel totally comfortable with ourselves until we are pretty old, if at all. It took lomax until he was over 50 to feel comfortable that he was a thumb sucker, e.g.

Ok, twist my arm, I’ll tell you the story. Lomax never knew he was a thumb sucker until he got married, since he only sucks in his sleep, and not every night. Well it took a few years for his wife to catch him at it, the comatose drunk that she is. But one night she gets up to take a pee and comes back to see 6’1” 200 pound lomax curled up in semi fetal position with his thumb in his mouth. So she walks to his side of the bed and punches him in the face! He wakes up startled, she starts yelling, he of course denies it, and that was that. Until the next time she caught him, and the time after that. She would always violently wake him with punches or knees to the groin, etc., he would deny it, and so on. Until one night she showed him teeth marks on his wet thumb. So he had to admit it to himself, and to her, that indeed he was a nighttime thumb sucker. Of course he was embarrassed about it.

Well for years that was the extent of the issue, at least on the surface, the occasional late night punch or elbow or kick. It got to the point where he wouldn’t even wake up anymore. She’d see him sucking his thumb, whack him, he’d take his thumb out, roll over, never even waking. But beneath the surface, lomax always wondered if part of the reason for their declining sex life was that his wife was a little less turned on by him because of his thumb sucking. Makes a little sense, wouldn’t you think?

Well as the years went by, and they weren’t getting along well, she would bring up the thumb sucking in fights. “Why should I expect a fucking thumb sucker to know how to cook a steak right”, e.g. Eventually even in front of the kids it would come out (“Maybe your dad could throw the ball with you more if he would take his fucking thumb out of his mouth”), out with her girlfriends (“well that’s because your husband is a real man, not a fucking thumb sucker like mine is”), even out with other couples (“of course he won’t have another shot of jack, he’s a faggot thumb sucker.”)

Well, by that time, lomax was well into his double life, getting his pleasure from S&M, and treating his relationship with his wife as a bad dream. Sure it hurt when she would mention it, but he’d just ignore it. That is until his 45th birthday party.

By this time she had enough of lomax. She was having an affair with a woman, and another man, was getting (back) into coke, and reverting back to her early 20’s heavy partying lifestyle. So she prepares a birthday party for lomax at an upscale cocktail lounge, and pays the lounge pianist extra to sing a song about lomax that she and her girlfriend wrote. It was called “Lomax the 45 year old thumb sucker”. The piano player thought it was all in good fun, of course. I was there, lots of her friends were there, her lesbian lover was there, his mother was there, a few of his other friends, etc. She gets everyone to be quiet, announces that this song is her birthday present to lomax, and the piano player started singing the song. I don’t remember all of it, but the chorus went something like this (Paul McCartney she isn’t):

Thumb sucking husband, thumb sucking father,
Thumb sucking asshole, why do I bother?
Go suck your thumb, you little maggot
I’ll get myself off, you thumb sucking faggot.

Nice, eh? But to top it off, she had two of her friends in costume, one as a thumb, and one as a mouth. They came from opposite ends of the stage, and met in front of the piano player, and the thumb entered the mouth and the mouth started sucking. The audience went wild!!

Lomax just stared with a dumb half smile on his face. He sat through the whole song, waited for everyone to quiet down. Everyone was staring at him. He stood up, looked at his wife, gave her the finger, put his thumb in his mouth, and walked out.

He went to live with his mother for a few weeks after that.


rapture vision's hottest (real1)

Well I think that that is the most juvenile post topic ever. At this level, the BDSM level, we should well beyond “hot”, and into deeper criteria for evaluating a potential domme. In fact, “hot” in the traditional frat boy sense shouldn’t even be a criteria at all. But …. Lomax knows this guy who lives next door to him, Vinnie (the Potato), who is always talking about this broad or that broad being hot, so he thought he would give Vinnie the honor of choosing the “Lobby Report Hottest Domme at Rapture” award. Vinnie thought it was a great idea, even though he has no idea what Rapture is or S&M, really. “Fucking Weirdoes” is about his level of understanding. But according to lomax, he has great taste in women, so from now on he is our official judge of hotness. If folks like this, we’ll rate the dommes at other houses too.

Ok, here are the rules. For the first round, Vinnie will pick three dommes at a time, and pick the hottest. He’ll take the winners and do the same thing again for the second round, and out of who’s left he’ll pick a winner. We are going to eliminate Sade from the competition, her being the headmistress.

And oh my god, the winner, will win one of the following 3 prizes of their choosing: 1) Dinner with smellyballs, 2) A doll that pees, or 3) $500 dollars!!! For doing absolutely nothing!! All she has to do is PM smellyballs on max within 24 hours of this blog being posted, and she wins!! If she doesn’t, the money will be added to our next contest’s pot (if we ever have one).

Ok, here we go, Vinnie the Potato picks the hottest Rapture domme!!

Round 1:

Heat 1: Laila, Desiree, and Soren: Yo, laila is pretty and has a nice azz, plus she’s a wop like me, Desiree is really cute but she could use a cheeseburger or three, Soren’s got some nice knockers but she ain’t my type. Laila!!!

Heat 2: Ardenne, Aurora, and Susie: Ardenne is pretty, but she looks like she would rather read a book than fuck, Aurora is my type of girl, can look cute for the relatives and hot and sleazy in bed, Susie is a knockout, make a great one night stand. Aurora!!

Heat 3: Varla, Charlotte, and Vivienne: Varla is very pretty, but looks like my sister, Charlotte actually does read books, forgetaboudit, Vivienne’s got dem bodacious tatas!! Vivienne!!

Heat 4: Brooke, Cherry, and Ophira: Brooke is beautiful and looks like a fuck machine, Cherry is hot too, but seems a bit bitchy, Ophira looks like a wop too, and is beautiful, but I gotta go with the fuck machine!! Brooke!!

Heat 5: Mitsu, Dahlia, and Lola: I don’t normally go for Asian chicks, but Mitsu is hot, Dahlia makes my patata quiver, Lola is pretty but way too scary. Dahlia!!

Heat 6: Coraline, Wednesday, and Valentina: Coraline is pretty, but needs a few good meals, Wednesday gives me a chubber, Valentina is beautiful but she would yell at me for picking my nose, I gotta go with the chubber, Wednesday!!

Heat 7: Anias, Claudette, and Evelyn: Anias can definitely do things to me that I’ve never even dreamed about, I love Claudette’s killer azz, and Evelyn is just plain sexy. But I gotta go with the azz, Claudette!!

So for round 2, we have 7 semi finalists, so we’ll do 2, 2, 3.

Heat 1: Laila vs Aurora: This is so fucking hard, they are both so hot!! But Laila, while wildly beautiful and sexy, looks a little standoffish. Aurora, I’m sure, could definitely be a bitch, but I like aggressive women, and she’s a babe!! Aurora makes the finals!!

Heat 2: Vivienne vs. Brooke: I think I would get tired of fucking Brooke after 10 years or so, but I would never get tired of fucking Vivienne. Vivienne!!

Heat 3: Dahlia, Wednesday, and Claudette: Dahlia is so beautiful I want to spend the rest of my life with her, so she’s out. So it’s between Wednesday’s enigmatic beauty and Claudette’s azz. Azz wins!! Claudette.

So now the finals: it’s between Aurora, Vivienne, and Claudette. The three hottest ladies at Rapture.

Ok Aurora is out, she is TOO cute. So it’s between Vivienne and Claudette. This is a classic case of tits vs. azz. Vivienne’s great tits vs. Claudette’s great azz. I like both, and what makes this difficult is that (on the Rapture house site) Vivienne doesn’t show her azz, and Claudette doesn’t show her tits. So I gotta assume that Vivienne’s got a tiny azz and Claudette has small tits. So, I aksed myself, would you rather have a girl with big tits and a small azz, or a girl with a big azz and small tits? Vivienne wins!! Vivienne wins!! Ohhhh baby, Vivienne wins!!!

So sports fans, thanks to the help of Vinnie the Potato, the official Lobby Report Hottest Domme at Rapture is Vivienne!! She has 24 hours to PM me to collect the prize of her choice. Wow, what incredible excitement!!

Rape Fantasies (Mme Sade)

Well I’ll let lomax pontificate on this subject:

“Anything that goes on in a dungeon between consenting adults is cool.”

That’s it? That’s all you have to say?

“Ok, I’ll say a little more. That someone finds something that I do in a dungeon with a pro personally immoral, or politically insensitive, or dangerous, whatever, is totally irrelevant to the rest of the world. The only time it becomes relevant is if I talk about it, but that don’t make the doing of it uncool, just the talking about it.”

Huh?

“Ok, let’s say my fantasy is to pretend I’m a schoolboy (like 5th grade) and want a domme to dress up like a nun and anally rape me. I call a bunch of dommes, find a domme who will do it, have my session, over and done. Right? No one offended, no real abused people offended, because no one knew about it.”

And?

“But let’s say I’m one of those idiots and post a review about it. Now I may have offended someone who was abused, and even worse, definitely offended the politically correct. So, if you do something that will offend someone, keep quiet about it.”

But I have two problems with line of thinking, lomie. First, everything that is done in S&M offends someone.

“That is true smelly, but you have to know your audience. If you’re giving your high school valedictorian speech you can’t mention cock and ball torture, but it is totally acceptable on max. The things that the max crowd get offended about are very specific and we pretty much know what they are, though it is a pretty long list.”

My other problem is that we are on a public blog, and we talk about politically incorrect stuff all the time. We have been raked over the coals more than once about it, too. We offend people all the time. Should we not?

“Well, probably not, but the fact that most of the politically correct folk wouldn’t read this blog if their lives depended on it really helps. And the few that stumble here tend to post their objections on max and not on here. Plus if the did, you can delete it.”

Well there you go. I do believe in lomax’s main point, about keeping your offensive session stuff private. But I also am glad that there are a lot of people out there that aren’t politically correct, especially comedians. I laugh at every sheep joke, can’t help it.



Are you a true submissive? (Mistress Katya)

Boring with a capital B. I read about 50 or so of the posts, and it was all mental masturbation to me, the dommes coming up with definitions based on what THEY want out of a submissive client, and the clients coming up with definitions based on how THEY want to serve. Boring.

But let’s face, submissives are boring most of the time, when they’re being submissive I mean. They mope around with their heads down and don’t say much, whether it’s in the yard, in the kitchen, at parties, etc. Who would buy a wack-off video of some guy being submissive, I mean really? Being whipped, sure. Folding laundry wearing a collar, doubt it.

I am not a submissive, but lomax can be, if the right domme comes around. But he is a much different kind of submissive than the kind you normally see. Lomax is a RAGING submissive. Short of self-mutilation, he will do ANYTHING a domme wants him to do, and the wilder the better. Because lomax doesn’t want to be bored, he wants to be excited when submitting. So he doesn’t go for dommes that are looking for chauffeurs or domestic slaves, he goes for dommes that will make him do totally outrageous stuff, like drinking a gallon of beer and peeing on all the businessmen in line at Starbucks (totally naked of course). And he did. Most subs get peace and satisfaction for submitting to their domme. Lomax ges arrested.

Anyway back to the thread. I did like the exchange where Mistress Katya told elb to stay concise and on topic. And another poster didn’t think that was an insult. Well, if that ain’t mentally ripping someone’s heart out I don’t know what is. Plus, he (elb) was the only poster to that thread (besides me of course) that wasn’t boring, boring, boring. So I guess that gives lomax and elb something in common, they are non-boring submissives. Now maybe that could be a sub-category. Wait, now I’m becoming boring ………. Maybe I’m submissive, lol.

Speaking of lomax being submissive, I did tell ya’ll about Wanda, and Tonya, but did I ever mention the Eskimo? It was when lomax was in his early twenties, and had a consulting job in Anchorage. He met her in a bar, she was in her late 40’s, ugly, she smelled of stale booze and dirty pads constantly, no teeth, didn’t bathe, and was drunk all the time. She had some female problem which caused her to bleed continuously. Lomax fell in love with her, in a submissive way. He would meet her at the bar every night after work, buy her tons of drinks, carry her home, try like hell to get in her pants, and she would beat him up. Every night. She weighed almost twice as much as lomax, somewhere between 300 and 400 pounds. I went out to visit him, and found him a mess. He almost looked as bad as she did, all beat up, black eyes on top of black eyes, swollen everywhere.

I found out that his contract had ended weeks ago, but he was staying to be with her. He paid her rent, did her shopping. Sometimes she would beat him up outside, while the neighbors watched. It was a rough part of town, and they thought it was great fun watching a guy get beat up by a woman, even if she was as big as a polar bear. They (the neighbors) would even bring out the kids, it was such fun to watch. Lomax would often be naked, though not her (she wouldn’t take her clothes off for weeks at a time). After she was done with him, and he was half conscious on the ground, the neighborhood kids would throw rocks at him until he crawled back inside. The loved it! Once he got back in, if she wasn’t passed out, she would beat him up some more.

I got him to come home with me, but it wasn’t easy. Though I think he knew that once his money ran out, which was going to be pretty soon, it would end anyway.

Now some of the more sophisticated thinkers among ya’ll may be thinking. “wait a sec, smelly, lomax isn’t a submissive, he’s a hard core masochist!”. And that’s what I thought at the time, too. But lomax swears he doesn’t get off on pain at all, it was all about the submission. And I believe him now, knowing him for almost 30 years. He will go for years and years having sessions that are just really twisted kinky sex, no pain at all. Then he’ll meet someone who he wants to submit to, and he’ll do whatever they want to do to him, whether it’s his ex-wife, Tonya Harding, Wanda the blow up doll, the Eskimo, or any of the others. Unless it’s boring, of course.




]]> http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080816-165647 Smellyballs Sat, 16 Aug 2008 23:56:47 GMT http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/comments.php?y=08&m=08&entry=entry080816-165647 http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080707-180028
Rumor #1: Rapturevision owns Max Fisch.

A) Well we’ve heard that Rapturevision has made so much money on his website (egomaniacally named Rapturevision, wouldn’t you know), that not only has he bought Max Fisch, but he has branched out into legitimate ventures. He owns a controlling share of Ben and Jerry’s, 10% of Nathan’s hot dogs, owns the complete rights to the Teletubby brand (the Rapture dommes are going to be the Teletubbies next season), and is working on a cab le TV pilot with Rachel Ray for a show on using kitchen utensils as sex toys.

B) Another rumor we heard, with we consider slightly more plausible, is that there is no Rapturevision OR Max Fisch, anymore. Both had to leave the country quickly, Max because of a debt he couldn’t pay, and Rap because one of the lead Rapture girls got pregnant (although there are rumors that it was a false pregnancy). They both ended up on the same Caribbean island, and ended up hooking up with and becoming collared slaves of Perverta. Both are happy as clams, dusting and climbing coconut trees.

So who took over the web personas of Max and Rap? We don’t know for sure, but there is this creepy guy down the hall from me that I suspect. Lomax suspects they are both computer programs, the Max Fisch program locks threads when enough of the “right” posters complain, and the Rapturevision program picks random insults from a database and hurls them at posters that say anything negative about him or Rapture. Hey, I could even write THAT program!!

Rumor #2. There is a NYC domme that specializes in brown showers with corn in her poop.

I wouldn’t believe this rumor, but it IS the age of specialization. There are dommes that specialize in giving enemas, OTK spankings, there are strap-on dommes, etc. etc. But I never thought there would be enough guys that like corn in poop that one could make a living at it. But lomax says that a lot of subs will go for anything weird, and I guess this has to qualify.

Her name is “Mistress Niblets”. She is an independent, but doesn’t have a website. You have to know somebody that knows her, she is by reference only. You can request what she eats before the session: corn on the cob, canned corn, frozen corn, creamed corn, or corn chowder. For extra you can mix and match, corn on the cob with corn chowder on the side, e.g. I don’t know if she does organic.

I have also heard that she is in Manhattan and does both incall and outcall, she will provide melted butter or margarine on request, and if her poops are really hard she will offer you those little prongy things that you (normally) stick in the ends of corn on the cob (shaped like little ears of corn).

Anywy, if anyone has sessioned with Mistress Niblets please PM us on max. Lomax would really like a session with her. He would love to have a session and get his veggies at the same time.

Rumor #3: There is a house domme that is causing problems by biting her clients.

There is this new domme at a well known house that is very popular, but has caused conflict by biting her clients and leaving teeth marks. She was warned many times not to bite her clients, unless specifically requested to. But she bites just about every one anyway, even repeat clients that have specifically said they can’t be marked, or don’t want to be bitten again.

She bites in various places, but her favorite spat is right around the nipple. But she bites arms, legs, feet, backs, toes, even faces, cheeks, and one guy on the nose. She even bit a guy so hard on the ear he bled.

Well after repeated warnings, the house owner gave her an ultimatum, either she has to stop biting, or wear one of those cones that dogs and cats wear, when doing sessions. She opted for the cone, but that caused problems too. Some clients didn’t want to session with a domme wearing a cone, for various reasons. And when she did do sessions, the cone caused lots of problems, with blind spots, with depth perception, and they say it made her really angry. Her aim with a whip was awful, and she was tripping on things a lot. And she could still bite appendages, fingers and toes, and she did!!

So they had to let her go. We hear she is now working as an independent. As a public service, we are publishing this picture of her (albeit wearing her cone). Watch out for this domme!!



Rumor #4 Smellyballs has a twin sister

True, her name is Stinkytwat, she lives in the west village with her significant other, and is a stagehand. She hasn’t had an active web presence in years however, due to her busy schedule. But I am working on her to become a guest contributor on the Lobby Report. One rumor that is false is that she’s a midget. She is NOT, she’s just very short.

Ok a couple of comments on 2 locked posts:

Why attack Rapture? (puppyjohn)

Maybe plain old jealousy, at least that’s what I think. Almost everyone is jealous of someone. Guys that can afford their own small private jet are jealous of the guys that own a large private jet. Only the truly enlightened are never jealous, and for sure there are not many of those among the max fisch crowd.

Lomax, on the other hand, has a different view. He thinks people want S&M to be untouched by commercialism, slickness, and sophistication. He wants to be able to smell semen when he walks into a dungeon. He doesn’t want dommes that are Ivy league graduates, or even Ivy league dropouts. He wants dommes that grew up in Appalachia, and are out on parole. He gets turned on by dommes that can’t spell. He keeps his old Screw magazines, and takes them out to reminisce about the good old days when dommes were scary and unsanitary. He likes the smell of the old newsprint too.

“Those days are pretty much gone, my smellness. “ spews lomax. “I’ve never been to Rapture, but I bet it’s clean, the dommes take showers before every session, and they sanitize the rooms after every session. When I walk in a dungeon room, I’d rather see a turd in the corner with flies circling it than smell Lysol.

“Rapture has become the symbol of what is wrong with S&M, young healthy beautiful educated clean disease free women working in a sanitized friendly professional environment. I mean, even their tattoos are expensive professional tattoos.

“Guys like me pine for the good old days, when dommes were dommes because they were mean, and they were mean because life fucked them over and they found a way to make a few bucks fucking over the type of guys that fucked them over in the first place. They had scars from knife fights, their tattoos weren’t pictures but names of their boyfriends, if they had teeth they were crooked, and they weren’t working on their master’s degrees. That’s why people attack Rapture.”

Well there you go, true words of wisdom from the man who is the soul of NYC S&M, lomax the insane.

DemaskedMarvel is a pompus asshole (switchmarienyc)

Well maybe he is a tad of a pompus asshole, but I don’t think that that is a rare character trait of posters on max, male and female. Hey, if people started a thread for every pompus asshole on max, we’d probably crash the server. Maybe you should start a generic thread “Who’s your favorite pompus asshole?” Then we can out/trash them all in one fell swoop. (Wonder where that expression came from?)

Sometimes you can tell a poster is going to be a pompus asshole by their name alone. Posters that have Knight or Captain or Marvel in their names are bound to be more pompus then say “Toe cheese licker” or “worthless worm”, etc. But you got to be careful …..

My favorite pompus asshole’s name is JeffW, totally innocuous screen name. Sometimes when he posts I squeeze his name between my thumb and forefinger, to squeeze the pompusness out of him. But it never works. So I just imagine that the more pompus they are on the boards, the more pathetic their real lives are. Which is probably close to the truth, more often than not.

Finally, lomax ate some mushrooms and wrote this tribute to Mistress Wynter, who he thinks is one of the great dommes of NYC.

Tribute to Wynter (in the style of emotionalilboytoy.)

I been admiring your beauty and strength for a long time, going back to the time when my power mommy rangers tolden me, being that they were very busy with their slaves and having other responsibilities and decisions and maybe I was getting on their nerves but I am not sure but in either case I wasn’t needed and they said it was ok for me to find a new york city power monny ranger, which I could do but from a distance since I am not the northern city type more the good ol’ southern bajou Cajun swamp boy and I need to be close in case one of my power mommy rangers need me and although it is not football sesason I was asked to help at spring practice at the high school which I like to do because it is hot and I like to watch strong men sweat but not sexually though maybe a little when the sweat drips down a swollen bicep, not that they are beautiful like Justin Timberlake except for the third string quarterback and the punter.

So being that I was allowed to have a nyc power mommie ranger, I immediately thought of you because of your power and beauty and I also like it cause you don’t take no shit and I admire that. None of my power mommy rangers take shit and neither do I because my power mommy rangers know me better than I know myself and know what I like and don’t like and even though they know that I will do almost anything for them they also understand me and wouldn’t ask me to lick the snot that was hanging out a cow’s nostril which a lady who wasn’t one of my power mommy rangers tried to make me do last summer on a 100 degree day at a party.

I WOULD lick the snot hanging out from YOUR nostril, though I doubt that would ever happen unless maybe you drank a sip of coffee and and it went down the wrong pipe or maybe Harlequinn said something really funny when you were eating, but I imagine if that happened I would have to stand in line behind all of your devoted slaves who would beg you to lick the snot hanging off your nose. Some people when they laugh too hard or unexpectedly, a little poop comes out their hynie, but I won’t go there, plus I know you’re too much of a power mommy ranger lady for that too happen, at least very often. Power mommy rangers have very strong very tight sphincters, like that starting left tackle at State a few years ago.

So I want to worship you from afar, but if you need anything that I can get for you, like hot sauce or a t-shirt, or anything you can think of like chicory or smoked meat I can even get a whole smoked alligator ifin you want my cousin from Kenner catches ‘em and smokes em’ live cause he says they’re better that way and the baby’s are the best cause they’re tender, not that he smokes ‘em as good as my aunt Henrietta who had a secret recipe but she’s dead but maybe she gave it to her daughter Fecilia but she is in California at a Buddhist monestary and I doubt they eat smoked baby gator btw can lesbians be Buddhists?

Sweetness,

ELBT


and good ol' larry here




]]> http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080707-180028 Smellyballs Tue, 08 Jul 2008 01:00:28 GMT http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/comments.php?y=08&m=07&entry=entry080707-180028 http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080605-171421


This report is a little later than usual, and not up to our usual mediocre standards, since I got hooked on watching the Boston Celtic’s playoff games. Every one but one (ok, I did an S+M session), every minute, 19 games out of the 20 games. I’ve been a Celtic fan since the early 60’s, when we moved to Rhode Island from Oklahoma. My first live Celtic game was in the old Rhode Island Auditorium vs the Cincinatti Royals, in 63 I think. (I also saw Jimi Hendrix there in ’68). So I’ve been busy watching the tube, lol. But it doesn’t look like I missed much, lol.

Female Superiority (Godess Alexia)

My view on Female Superiority is this: it is an incredibly poor marketing strategy. It turns off many more men than it turns on. I don’t session with female supremacists.

Lomax, on the other hand, considers it just another wacko belief system. “A sizable minority of Americans and some non-Americans believe in a wacko belief system”, spews lomax. “I have known moonies, and scientologists, paranoid extreme left and paranoid extreme right, racists, including neo-nazis and skinheads, fundamentalists, hasids, conspiracy theorists, lived with a witch/satinist, was engaged to a lady into EST who was also a survivalist, hung out with the Hare Krishnas, and as a child lived across the street from a Catholic school. So I have no problem with a Female Supremacist domme, no more than I would have with a Nun domme. “

What we both agree on is that it’s a ridiculous theory that says more, in a negative way, about the believer than it does about who is superior to whom. I just think it’s not true. Lomax believes it may be true, but pretty much irrelevant, because of the bell curve. “Sure, once you pick your criteria for superiority, it may be that women are statistically superior. But as long as your criteria follow a normal distribution, like IQ, there are still going to be a lot of men at Harvard that are a lot smarter than women that watch Jerry Springer. “

(Lomax loves Jerry Springer btw. He even gets a boner when there are fat girls or girl fights. Especially when fat girls fight. When fat girls fight he has one hand on his crank, and the other on the TIVO. I never drop over unannounced when Jerry is on.)

The HAND JOBS (Miko Yoshiki)

We both agree that there is no need for pro dommes to give handjobs. Mainly because we have hands and are better at it than they are. Dommes, in general, stink at handjobs. But we also agree that if a domme wants to give handjobs it’s her business and she can do whatever the heck she wants. We also agree that if a domme allows manual release, but the client has no hands, she should make an exception and give him a hand job. (Between my freshman and sophomore year of college I had a roommate with no hands. I know he masturbated constantly because his sheets were all stained and smelled horrible. I don’t know how he masturbated, if he used his hooks, or his stumps, or a hook and a stump. I digress.)

I once had a domme put my balls in her mouth, then bit them until I came. Wow!! Not in the US, btw. Most dommes, especially the new ones, are more concerned with what they will and will not do, than with providing a great session. Dommes publish a list of do’s and don’ts, and hand jobs are a don’t for most dommes, never mind ball biting, lol.

My big problem with digital release, though, is that is so pedestrian and un-artistic and non S&Mee. In a classic S&M oriented session, the ideal situation would be, after the domme drives you to a frenzy with pain and sensuality, you spontaneously ejaculate, on cue. But that has been an extremely rare occurrence for me, maybe 2 or 3 times in hundreds of sessions. I guess that is true for a lot of other guys too. (Lomax btw rarely cums during a session. After all the alcohol and drugs he ingests, and his typical 3 hour session of debauchery, he can’t even find his dick, never mind use it.)

Why can’t most of us spontaneously ejaculate? Well it could be any number of reasons, including:

1 – we’re too old and/or jaded
2 – we’re too uptight
3 – the dommes aren’t skilled or sexy enough
4 – We don’t communicate and/or stay long enough with dommes to craft the perfect session, or
5 – by the time we do, the familiarity has caused the session to lose its edge.

Whatever reason, most of us can’t. And most dommes won’t use the more intimate methods of release, artistic and S&Mee or not. So we’re stuck with gross manual release, or no release at all.

Lomax thinks that that in the old days dommes were much more skilled at eliciting spontaneous release, especially with the help of toys like electrics (tens and violet wands) and vibrating devices. He also thinks that there is a lot more “intimate” release going on than you would think. “But not with any guy that walks in off the street, smelly. A guy would have to be nice, a regular, not gross, very generous, have impeccable grooming habits, etc. Except of course for a couple of dommes I know who will fuck anybody, lol.”

Those dommes don’t care about the “impeccable grooming habits” I guess, eh lomie?

Rapture receptionists and security (rant) (knightwish)

Ah, the person that answers the phone at a house of domination. The cause of so much angst. For the novice, the hurdle one must navigate, how many times do they hang up in fear when they hear that terrifying word “studio”, or “hello”. You never know who will answer the phone. It could be a domme, or a receptionist, or even a man, god forbid. Sometimes they’re nice, sometimes they are rude, sometimes they say and do the craziest things.

Two true stories: I once called a house asking for a specific domme, and her response was, “yeah, she’s on the schedule, but that doesn’t mean she’ll actually show.” Honest, I guess, but not exactly professional. Another time I called a house, to confirm an appt with Mistress XXX. The lady that answered the phone was a guest domme, and she said “Yes Mistress XXX is here, but I’m Mistress YYY, would you like to session with me instead?”. I did the switch, and got in a heap of trouble.

I have two favorite receptionists. One was actually the house owner, Sterling LeVay. She always answered the phone with a mean domme voice, but once you identified yourself switched to her normal voice, which was beautiful and sexy. My other favorite is Margo at Pandora’s. I love her sexy Russian accent, her no nonsense style. And I love when you enter the dungeon, and she greets you. Most receptionists greet you like you’re entering a high end spa, Margo greets you like your entering a prison!! “Follow me!!” she barks, as she takes you to your room. “Give me the money, NOW!!”. She’s the best!!

As an aside, what do ya’ll think of those questionnaires some houses make you fill out, and “slave numbers”? I must have filled out 3 or 4 of those over the years. But never once, ever, has a receptionist ever asked me for mine so she could look me up. I once even volunteered mine (DOI maybe?), and the receptionist said something like “we don’t use them anymore”, or “we have a new system now”. With modern computer technology (free too!!), a house could easily set up a secure on-line database, that the client could update with his latest fetish-du-jour. Lomax says he could do it for a house for practically nothing (practically nothing meaning free sessions, lol). But would the dommes actually read them? If not, just another waste of time.


A Quick update on Lomax

Remember Delitia, the“seamstress” that Lomax brought back with him from Guatemala, when he went down to get his daughter’s prom dress? Well, it turns out she wasn’t a seamstress at all, but a hooker, and a pre-op transsexual hooker to boot. Lomax met her in a bar in Escuintla, paid $20 for a BJ, told her his story, and then she convinced him that she was also a seamstress and would be glad to come back to Brooklyn with him. Lomax figured it was the best of both worlds, a seamstress and all the $20 BJs he wanted!! So she got a tourist visa and he took “her” back to Brooklyn. Lomax’s basement has an apartment with its own entrance, which he set up for his mom when she was still alive. He doesn’t rent it, so Delita moved right in. Within a week a second girl moved in, and then they started having male visitors every night. Lomax complained at first about the new girl and the male visitors, but a BJ soothed his concerns.

So last Friday I went over to visit Lomax, and got there just as these two trannys wer e just leaving Lomax’s house (they were obviously trannys to my trained eye). I went in and asked him since when did he start having threesomes with transsexuals. At first he had no idea what I was talking about. “You mean you don’t know that these girls are really guys?”, I asked, somewhat amazed, since lomax has been around the block (and back) , sexuality wise. He didn’t believe me, so we talked awhile, he described to me their habits, what he has and has not done with them, etc. “I bet they even have a website”, I guessed.

It took me about 10 minutes of googling variations on “Brooklyn Transexual Escort” when I found their site. There was a nude picture of Delita, male body parts included. Lomax started at the picture hard for about a minute. “I’ve been getting blowjobs from a guy. Holy fucking shit!!”

So lomax calls the police, they come, he shows them the website, they all confront the trannys, and a big screaming match in English and Spanish ensues, and the cops arrest LOMAX!! For running a house of prostitution!! Which is a felony!! And let the trannys go!!

So I bail out lomax, and when we get home the trannys are still there. So he goes down stairs to kick them out, and THEY call the cops!! The cops come and tell lomax he has to give them 90 days notice!! Lomax asks them “which one of you cops is the queer that is sucking their dicks?”

So of course they arrested lomax again (creating a public nuisance and resisting arrest), beat him up a little, and I had to bail him out again.

So that’s what Lomax has been up to since the last lobby report. I’ll let you all know when the trial date is. Go Celtics!!!

]]> http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080605-171421 Smellyballs Fri, 06 Jun 2008 00:14:21 GMT http://www.lobbyreport.net/pblog/comments.php?y=08&m=06&entry=entry080605-171421