Well it’s been awhile, sorry about that. We were in Belize, and we finally found Larry the Farmer. He is an Adult Baby now. He lives and works on an Adult Baby resort/retreat, and is very happy. He promised he will write from time to time, and we will share his baby thoughts with you.
Lomax’s latest Problem.
Well as soon as we got back to the states, lomax went on a sessioning rampage, 3-4 times a week, and all full toilet sessions. I didn’t see him for a couple of months, and when I did he looked a wreck. He was thin, emaciated actually, unshaven, dirty, and has the worst case of pinkeye I had ever seen.
“Why can’t dommes shit straight, smelly!? Every frigging session, they shit right in my eyes!! I put my mouth 3 inches from their butt hole, and somehow they all manage to miss my mouth and get me right in my eyes. Sometimes the left one, sometimes the right one, sometimes both. Then I freak out, start trying to clean it out of my eye (if my hand aren’t tied), and then the domme freaks out, saying I’m getting it everywhere, and the session gets ruined. Plus, look at my eyes!!”
“Well lomax, it just seems to be an occupational hazard of those type of sessions. Why don’t you wear glasses, or better yet, find a cleaner activity?”
“I did try my glasses, but they didn’t help much. I even went out and bought some swimmer’s goggles, and they kept the shit out my eyes, but the domme couldn’t stop laughing. Plus, they smeared up and I couldn’t see anything. So I took them off, and the next load went right in my eyes again!!”
“So what are you going to do?”, I queried.
“Well I created some goggles with windshield wipers, so I could be safe and still see. I made them air powered, I press a little rubber ball and the wipers go. But they didn’t work very well, they just smeared the poop even more. So I added a second rubber ball which shoots windshield wiper fluid on the goggles. One rubber ball in each hand, no batteries needed!!
“So I took my invention to my next session, and the domme told me I was out of my mind and wouldn’t let me use it. The next domme did though, but it ended up shooting the shit and fluid all over the dungeon, and all over her ass. She kicked me out.
“So I’ve been trying to make improvements. But I was testing them out at home when my daughter and her friend walked in on me. They freaked out, so I told her I was working on something to capture Bigfooot.”
“I bet she believed that.”
“I don’t know. She just said I was fucked in the head and left. But she called me back and said that her and her boyfriend want to go with me when I hunt Bigfoot next. So now I either have to tell her I eat shit, or go hunting for Bigfoot. I am truly fucked!”
Yes, he is totally fucked, but that is nothing new. Anyway, are there any straight shitting dommes out there that can help poor ol’ lomax? Or anyone who knows where you go hunting for Bigfoot in the tri-state area?
The Truth about Domina M’s move to Reno!!
Ok, we’ve read the posts, but it didn’t add up. Why would one of the classiest dommes in the world move to maybe the tackiest city in America? To play Texas Hold ‘em? To work at the Bunny Ranch? To hunt for Bigfoot?
So we decided to hire out favorite private investigator, Saul Petersburg, to see if he can find out some more info on what the famous M is up to. Here is his first report (which, btw, cost us a small fortune):
Tuesday June 16th,
9 am: Subject spotted getting into her car, a purple AMC Pacer, wearing a bathrobe. She had spoolies in her hair and was smoking a non-filter cigarette. Followed subject to 3678 Kings Row, where she entered the “Perfect Donut”. Came out 5 minutes later with a decaf soy latte and a dozen jelly donuts.
9:30 am: Subject stopped at a convenience store and bought two packs of Chesterfield straights and a six pack of Stella Artois.
10:00 am: Subject drove to Rancho San Rafael Park and found a quiet spot under a tree. Started eating the donuts and pounding down the Stellas while giving herself a pedicure and chain smoking the Chesterfields.
12:00 pm. Subject passed out. Took some pictures.
3:30 pm. Subject woke up and drove home, after stopping at another convenience store for another six pack of Stella.
Wednesday June 17th:
Same.
Thrusday June 18th:
Same.
Friday June 19th:
Have to go to Chicago on another assignment. See attached invoice. Will return to Reno in mid July.
(end of report)
Ok, first of all, the pictures don’t look that much like Domina M. Second, are we to believe she went all the way to Reno to eat Jelly Donuts and drink beer? Makes no sense to us at all. But if it is really her, and it is true, please come back M!! New York needs you!! We’ll buy you all the Jelly Donuts you want.!!
Smellyballs.
P.S. Do you shit straight?
Ok now for a little commentary!!
She works hard for the money.... (Scarlette1313)
First, we totally agree with everything the poster said. What we don’t like are people that demonize sex with a prostitute, and some that demonize prostitution. Prostitution is one of life’s great equalizers. So I’m not Alex Rodriguez and can’t fuck Madonna. So what? For a few hundred bucks I can fuck a Madonna look-alike who is probably better in bed than the real Madonna. Take that ARod!!
Not everyone is sexually attractive. Ride the subway if you don’t believe me. Let’s just say (theoretically) that I was born ugly and not at all sexually attractive. Does that mean that I can never have sex with a beautiful woman? Even if I went to college?
Of course the answer is: yes I can have sex with a beautiful woman. I can have sex with a prostitute!
Now I know that the best sex is when two people are both totally hot for each other. But for ugly people, or old people, or people who have been together more than 10 years, or really shy people, or circus freaks, guys with teeny weenies, etc, it doesn’t happen very often. Where would they be without prostitutes?
“Sorry, Leon, anatomy is destiny, and you’re destined to never fuck a beautiful woman.”
“No Mr. existential narrator. Anatomy may be destiny, but I got 300 dollars, and I AM going to fuck a beautiful woman! I’m going to fuck a PROSTITUTE!! YAY!!”
(Of course I know all about the bad sides of prostitution. But like many of our other cherished vices (alcohol, gambling, religion, etc.) banning them just ends up making the bad sides worse. )
Speaking of fat and old ……..
Fat, old men. (DownLow)
Well this was a pretty depressing thread, for the most part, with me and lomax being at the verge of the big 6 0. Lucky there are “some” dommes that don’t mind us old farts too much.
But I learned early on in my playing days that most dommes aren’t “fantasy fulfillment specialists”(someone who caters to most all S&M fantasies, most all clients) in the strict sense. Most dommes have their “shtick”, and you either like it or you don’t. And they either like you or don’t. So it’s always a hit or miss thing. And the older you get, maybe there are going to be more misses than hits.
Money does help, sometimes, though. I see this domme occasionally, when she is in town, and her shtick is humiliation. She loves it, she is great at it, it gets her off, it rolls off of her like water off of a duck. Problem is, I hate humiliation. She knows that, so she cools it when we see each other. I think she does it because I tip her very well. I know it is hard for her, especially when we’re in public. But she does it, and we have a good time.
So my hope is that an extra 100 or so may help when my ball sack hangs below my knees. We’ll see.
And speaking of balls ………
Dommes how many balls have you kicked so far (secret slave bob)
I guess lots of dommes have kicked lots of balls. The big question seems to be how safe or unsafe is it. We think that it is of course not 100% safe, but luckily balls are pretty rugged, and repairable. The nice thing about ball injuries is that you could tell your wife you were mugged and be believed. Lots of other S&M injuries (welts, rope burns, blood blisters, scratch marks, bite marks, ruptured colons, etc.) are a little harder to explain.
Lomax says that anyone who is into hard core S&M should have a large dog. A lot of the above injuries can be blamed on the dog. He once got away with these nasty scratch marks on his side by saying the dog jumped on him.
Don’t ever blame a ruptured colon on a pet, though. That might be worse than saying a pro domme did it. I would go for a bad fall in the shower, right on the Pert Plus. It’s worth a shot, anyway.
The people you miss… (mugsy)
Well that was a truly wonderful thread, magical. Brought back lots of old memories.
But it got me to wondering: am I wrong in perceiving that the hang is just a shadow of its former self? Was there a “golden age” of this board, say 2000-2004 or so?
What I wonder, is that because there were so many of us who were “isolated”, dommes and clients both, but mostly clients, that being part of this board at that time was a truly vital and unique experience. Most of us had never communicated with another client before, knew much about S&M beyond our own kink. This board attracted true seekers, true educators, true evangelists. And the power of all those sincere people overpowered the negative, and the mundane, the trolls and the haters.
But the years went by, the ones who needed this board to learn have mostly come and gone, and we are mostly left with a bunch of hangers on, and a ton of commercialism.
And my original reason for doing what I’m doing with this blog, is it a waste too now? If the true seekers are gone, does anyone here need the message that, as serious and desperate that our S&M desires and views are, S&M also has an fun side? An absurd side that we can see and appreciate and laugh at, well, at least after we cum.
Or are all that are left on the lobby are the fully BDSM educated, set in their ways, politically correct, conservatives S&Mers?
Except for an enlightened few, are the only ones that can laugh at the absurdity of S&M are the people who are NOT into it? I wonder.
I will finally get a challange! (markie)
We’re really glad that markie had a great session! But neither of us are into beatdowns or wrestling, so neither one of us is going to call Rachel tonight. Though I must admit, that after watching one of her clips4sale videos, I was pretty temped. She is hot!! I showed the video to lomax, and while it did excite him quite a bit, it also caused him to rant about what he calls “domme over-exposure”:
“You know, smelly, I used to jerk off to the same grainy picture of a domme that advertised in Screw, for 10 years!! And I felt I was lucky to have that picture. I had a few 8mm movies, and a few glossy mags, and that was it. As far as real dommes in those days, most of the ones I saw, the first time I saw their likeness was at the first session. When domme websites came along, I thought it was great at first. But after a few years I found that most websites had more misinformation than real information. Old pictures, or professional pictures that looked nothing like the domme really did. And their personalities never matched what they wrote about themselves. But at first I couldn’t resist them, and would book sessions solely based on the website material. And would get burned more often than not. Eventually I got cured, and started to rely on my old method, pure gut feel based on a short phone conversation or email exchange.
“But now, with dommes having websites, and myspace, and facebook, and blogs, and movies, and clips, and twitter, I started to get sucked in again. But you know what happened, by the time I sift through all the info there is on a domme, I lose interest!! I know too much about her private life, her session life, I’ve jerked off to a half dozen clips I bought of her, and I’m ready to move on!
“I know it’s my fault. If I saw a porn video and there was an available porn star in the video that really turned me on, I think I would be smart enough to stop there, and call her. I wouldn’t care what her astrological sign is, what she eats for breakfast. I wouldn’t go out and buy all 50 of her DVDs. I’d just call her, pay her, fuck her. But with dommes, I’m compelled to learn everthing I can before I session. And these days, “everything” can be way, way too much!!”
I think the reason is, dear lomax, that S&M fantasies tend to be rather complex, unlike fucking. With fucking, once you develop some basic expertise, it’s a pretty straightforward activity. Not so with S&M, our complex fantasies compel us to be a lot more selective when picking a dominatrix. Remember when you became obsessed with Xena, the Warrior Princess? And spent 2 years looking for a domme look-alike? And when you finally found her, you spent a fortune on wardrobe and props, and spent weeks writing out these incredibly detailed role play scenarios, with full dialogue based on tv episodes that you tried to get her to memorize? And then when you finally had your first session, everything, the costumes, props, the script, was perfect, except for her high pitched Long Island JAP accent that she couldn’t change? And it ruined the session for you? If she had a clips4sale store …… you could have saved your self a lot of trouble.
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For this issue we’ve decided to temporarily abstain from our usual long winded style and do a bunch of quick hitters, so we can get to as many posts as possible. Sort of the Lobby Report Headline News version:
Most Severe and Sadistic extreme mistress? (jamesrebel130)
In my day, everyone was afraid of the Baroness. But there was this lady, a Mistress Jessica from San Jose, who would whip you bloody, burn your shirt and pants, shove your underwear up your ass, and send you to your car wearing only your shoes and socks. And that is if you booked a sensual session.
Femdom - is it sexual? (pig) )
For me it is all about sex, kinky sex that is (I like the other stuff too, lol). What I will never understand, until the day I die, is not why subs want to fuck their mistress, but why they want to clean their apartments.
What's up with these rhapsodic domme profiles? (Amfortas)
“Hi, I’m Mistress Intestine, and I will do all the things I list here for 250. For 1000 I’ll do all the things I don’t”. (Now that is a profile we’d like to see!!)
Important Info for Every Prodomme... (mugsy)
I was once arrested, handcuffed, verbally abused (my girlfriend too), put in a paddy wagon, thrown in jail, sat for six hours waiting for a bail bondsman, for going through a stop sign. It ended up costing me about 1000 (car towed, fines, court costs, etc.), plus I had to go to “bad drivers school”. Why? The police were in contract negotiations, it wasn’t going well, so they were busting everyone.
What don't Y/you like about Lifestyle Doms? Miko Yoshiki)
I could give a shit what a domme does in her private life. She could eat human flesh for all I care, as long as she doesn’t eat me.
Supremacists (ScatDomme)
Ditto.
Who is the nicest domme? (WriterGuy)
For me, the nicest dommes are the ladies that are only dommes during session, and normal otherwise.
Toilet training vs Scat Mistress (Mss Tara Indiana)
Well lomax is the expert in this area so I will ask him:
“Lomax, do you prefer to eat shit from a Scat Mistress or a Toilet Trainer?”
“Huh!?”
“Ok, I didn’t understand the thread either. Read it and come back to me”
(2 hours later)
“Huh?”
When subs take advantage of professional Dommes (Ms C)
The problem here is that lots of dommes think that if they charge money for their services, that makes them “professional”. A true pro wouldn’t get in this situation in the first place. Before investing much time in a client, establish that he is a relatively sane, reliable source of income. That’s rule 104C in the handbook, btw.
Sensual (Dr. Devon)
Sensual is one of those words that I don’t think can be defined by any specific action. A domme can let you eat her pussy, lick her breasts, and jerk you off, and the session not be sensual at all, for lots of reasons.
On the other hand, a domme can pic her nose and eat it, and if done right, the session can be very sensual.
Dommes and Tattoos (Miss Lilith)
Most tattoos I see these days are pretty artistic, and if well done and on the right person, can be very beautiful. But some tattoos can enhance the S&M experience. I like the scary skulls, barbed wire, that sort of stuff. Lomax likes “jailhouse” tattoos.
However, some tattoos can ruin the S&M experience. If you are a domme and have a hello kitty tattoo, e.g., hide it.
Topless Sessions (Zara Thustra)
There are some boobies I’d love to see, some it wouldn’t make a difference. But for me, covered boobs with lots of cleavage is even sexier, especially if just a dash of the areola is showing.
Lomax is an age freak, he likes big saggy boobs, pimples, stretch marks, etc (I bet you could have guessed, lol). It’s hard enough to ask a domme to disrobe in any way, even harder when you think she may be hiding something.
Calling out a fake review.... (Switch Lydia)
Tara Indiana says that bad reviews are good for business. We would be glad to write a bad review for any domme that wants us to. PM us, and if you appeal to us, we’ll book a session (even pay, lol), and then write the most horrific review imaginable. Then you can reply and say the review is all a bunch of lies, and we can have a big fight, etc. What fun!!
What inspired you to join maxville? (Mistress Maya)
I knew about the domme list, but not about the board until a domme told me about it, wow 7 years ago now. I learned a lot about S&M from the board in those days, knew nothing about, never even heard about “lifestyle”, submission, humiliation, female supremacy, financial domination, and lots of other things to avoid.
Force and No Safe Words (Mme Sade)
In a pain-centric session:
- there is a place where a good domme can tell she has gone as far or maybe a little bit farther than she should, and starts to back off
- there is a place where the sub is taking it harder than he ever has, but is so turned on, and hope she goes further and further.
Problem is it is often the same place. It sucks (for me) at the time, but after I cum it don’t matter, plus I’m a lot less marked up.
Twenty Five of Your DIRTIEST Secrets (Mistress Anais)
Here are 25 secrets I saw and did growing up in a Rhode Island suburb in the 50’s, all before I was 12 years old. All 100% true.
1. I saw the lady in the house behind ours sunbathe nude, from our garage roof. More than once.
2. I saw a couple of neighborhood tough kids bury a cat alive.
3. The 16 year old kid across the street offered me 25 cents to blow him. I was around 10 at the time.
4. A friend of mine went fishing, got his hook stuck in his head, shit his pants, and came running home crying, stinking, with his fishing rod pointing to his head. By the time he made it to my street, the whole neighborhood had heard about it and was outside teasing him mercilessly.
5. My best friend’s mother used to eat runny scrambled eggs with her bare hands, every morning.
6. A young couple moved into a house down the street, had 6 kids in six years, and moved out.
7. There was a youngish (30’s) nun who lived down the street with a few other nuns. She only shaved her creamy white legs every couple of weeks, and the little black nubs would stick through her sheer stockings. It turned me on.
8. The loudest I ever heard my father laugh was when some new kid punched my friend Bob in the nose and blood spattered everywhere. My dad didn’t like Bob.
9. Speaking of Bob and fights, Bob had an older brother Joe. I once saw Joe beat up a kid with one hand while eating a sandwich in the other.
10. There was a senile old lady who lived in her daughter’s attic, across the street. She never bathed, and it made the whole house smell. I know because she (the daughter) was our Cub Scout den mother.
11. When I was around 10, an older kid told me about homosexuals. I didn’t believe him.
12. I went to second base with a girl down the street when I was 11.
13. We had two retarded kids in our neighborhood who roamed the streets. One of them used to sniff us. I offered the other one a nickel to pull the fire alarm box. He did of course, but I got caught and got in trouble.
14. All the girls except one in my 6th grade class wore garters and stockings to school (gotta love the 50’s, before pantyhose became popular).
15. In 6th grade me and a friend threw snowballs at a couple of older greaser girls and we ended up getting the shit beat out of us.
16. Later that year my same friend got in a fight with a girl and she broke his leg.
17. I used to love to watch the old Italian men play poker at the house down the street on Friday nights. I once tried to talk to one of the old men. He said, “Fuck off”.
18. I was the only kid in our neighborhood who wasn’t afraid to ride his bike to Silver Lake to buy fireworks. You had to go into Evelyn’s Spa and ask for “Spike”.
19. I was with a bunch of guys and this girl from a couple of streets away was walking alone. The guys I was with chased her until they trapped her under a crabapple tree. I sort of stayed in the background while they pelted her with crabapples until she was a crying bruised mess. I knew it was wrong, but was afraid to do anything. Also because it turned me on sexually to such an extent I was paralyzed.
20. On Halloween night a bunch of kids broke every window in a house across the street, while the family was in it.
21. My sister’s best friends father chased me with a 2 by 4 trying to kill me, just for saying “penis” to his daughter. I had to climb a tree to save myself.
22. Me and a friend use to grab a handful of DDT each (it was legal then) and use it to kill ants. His father kept some in his garage, he used it for work. We had no clue it was dangerous.
23. That same friend, when he was 4 or 5, would be left alone, tied up in a harness on a rope in the back yard when his mother went out for an hour or two.
24. My best friend from across the street was a good kid, gentle, played the accordion. His older brother was an immature mean kid. His younger sister was stupid and fat. My best friend became a doctor, his older brother a priest, his younger sister a prostitute.
25. When I was in 7th grade, a friend goaded me into a double date. I had no girlfriend or ever had a date before. I took my cousin.
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New Protocol for Sessions (Jennifer LeMonde)
Jennifer doesn’t want to do body worship anymore. Of course it’s her choice, and we here at The Lobby Report totally understand. lomax is amazed that any woman would let him touch her, especially with his crud lined lips. But we believe that body worship plays an integral role in the modern S&M session, mainly this:
“What the fuck am I going to do for the next 45 minutes!?” How many times has a domme asked herself that in a session? A guy books an hour corporal/cbt session, but after about 10 minutes he can’t take anymore, he is just not into pain today, and he has no boner. Well I know what 9 out of 10 dommes do in that situation: body worship. Let him lick your heels for awhile, maybe your leg, let him kiss your ass. Hopefully he’ll get a boner and be able to take more pain. If not, more body worship, try again, pretty soon the hour is almost over, give him 5-10 minutes to whack his pretzel and you’ve made it through. But without body worship your choices are limited.
The nice thing about body worship is that while not everyone is necessarily into it, nobody minds it. I have never heard of a client with no body worship on his “hard limit” list. Some of the other classic “time killers”, intricate bondage, sucking on a strap-on dildo, being forced to walk around the dungeon on all fours, etc., clients may not be into. To us, a domme without body worship in her bag of tricks has got her work cut out for her.
So we’ve decided to help Ms. LeMonde (we know how to spell her name right now, lol) by finding a time killer for her that will satisfy her clients while not having to let them touch her. Lomax immediately came up with the perfect solution: pole dancing! Wow!! Who wouldn’t book Ms. Lemonde for a corporal/pole dancing session!? We would!! She would be the most popular domme in New York!! She could get $500/hour and not have to let anyone of us creeps cover her legs with our sticky spittle. Happy endings will be a breeze.
So, if you’re into it Jennifer, let us know where you session, and we’ll arrange for the pole.
Ok, we are calm again, and want to briefly explore another issue regarding this thread. Why were so many people irritated by this post? I think it is because it made us clients feel like perverted creeps. I don’t think that was her intention at all, but that was the effect of the post. It is perfectly all right for a domme to say “I am not into that”, we understand that not all dommes are going to do all activities. But when a domme says, “Oh I do that, but not with YOU, well that hurts (unless, I guess you’re into serious humiliation, which is certainly not the majority of clients here on max). We think all dommes should remember that not all clients are into humiliation, and before you start telling us how thoroughly fucked you were by your boyfriend last night, make sure we are into it. Otherwise it is a turn off, and a bit embarrassing too. (Unless of course you thoroughly fuck us afterwards, lol).
I confess, I'm Fat! (Mss Tara Indiana)
First of all, Tara, we checked, and you are no way fat. We think you are hotter than ever, and would describe you as Voluptuous. We wish you were fat, because we both like heavy dommes, but of course most of all we want you to be happy, at whatever weight works best for you.
But we have a question for you. Do you feel less dominant now? Lomax has been trying for decades to get really fat women to be dommes, but if they are kinky at all they are much more likely to be submissive. He used to think it was a self-esteem thing, but lately he has been exploring a biological theory of his.
“What if muscle (M) and bone (B) cells are dominant, and fat (F) cells are submissive?” posits lomax. “What if the ratio (M + B)/F determines your dominance ratio? It would explain a lot of things smelly, like all the fat submissive clients, and all the thin dommes, some muscular, and why I can’t get a fat girl to beat me up that often.”
So by his theory, you should feel less dominant now. But I don’t believe a word of it. My guess is, because you are in general a very proud and confident person, that you are just as dominant as ever!!
Lomax won’t admit it, but I think he secretly hopes his theory is wrong, and that you are as dominant as ever too. That way he could fly to LA and you could beat him up!!
Double Domme dreaming (Mistress Wynter)
Like a lot of the other posters, we are not that fond of double sessions. We concur with the posters that prefer the one-on-one dynamic, but we also believe that part of the reason that double sessions don’t work that well is that most dommes don’t know how to do them.
We think that dommes in general think that just because there are two dommes in the room we will be twice as excited, our dick will get twice as hard, and we will have twice as much fun. And if there were three dommes in the room we’d be three times as excited, our dick would get three times as hard, and we would have three times as much fun. And if there were four dommes in the room our dick would explode and we’d bleed to death. (That’s why dommes don’t advertise four domme sessions)
Well it isn’t true. Multiple domme sessions can often at best be no better, and sometimes worse, than single domme sessions. Plus they cost a lot of money. Here are a few other reasons I can think of besides the one-on-one dynamic:
The dommes do activities that having more than one domme there is meaningless
I was once tied up, blindfolded, and the dommes tag team whipped me. What use is having two dommes there for that!!
The dommes are more interested in each other than the client
That has happened a couple of times. Pay 700 for a two hour session with 2 dommes, and they spend 3/4 of the time yapping about skin cream and hair removal.
The dommes compete against each other
This happened once to me. The domme I was seeing regularly for some reason thought it was important to show the guest domme how much pain I could take, and the guest domme thought it was important to show my domme how much pain she could dish out. Ouch!!
Multiple pain points don’t always enhance the experience like multiple pleasure points can
This can happen in single domme sessions, but it is more common in double sessions. Example: did you ever have the situation where you couldn’t enjoy the cbt because the nipple clamps she put on you were so painful it was all you could think of?
Ok, so here are our suggestions to make double sessions more desirable. First, pay attention to the client. Second, don’t compete with the other domme. Third, don’t deny the client the eye candy, which is probably the main reason he booked the double session. In fact, enhance the eye candy with some lesbo activity if possible. Go as far as you like, we don’t mind a bit. And finally, if one domme is doing pain, the other domme should be doing something sensual, and vice versa. Even if while domme #1 is whipping you, if domme #2 is doing something as benign as just staring at you licking her lips and rubbing her crotch, that’s quite all right.
So that’s why we don’t book double domme sessions. But we would if the dommes followed our simple guidelines. In fact, we’d gladly volunteer if some dommes need to practice these techniques.
So Much for No Discounts (worm)
Here is the situation as I see it. When you have this type of a recession, it doesn’t mean that everyone has less money. It means that 80% (give or take a few percent) of the people have the same amount of money as before, and 20% have squat. So it’s not like all the clients are a little poorer. Basically the clients you see are nearly as flush as before, and the other ones just can’t session. (Of course there are exceptions, but this is the general situation)
So if there are 20% less clients, a lot of dommes are going to be hurting, especially the ones who depend on sessions on a major source of their income. But lowering your session rate by $25 or $50 isn’t going bring back the 20% who are unemployed or underemployed. All it’s going to do is maybe attract a few of the “bottom feeders”, the guys that would flock to a one-legged domme if she charged 100/hour. But in spite of what you read on the boards, I truly believe that there are not that many of these types of clients. Most guys will pay the extra money to see the domme they really want to see, even if it means seeing her less.
I think the best advice to dommes who are hurting right now is to start looking at secondary sources of income, pay sites, clips4sale, niteflirt, etc. I know, a lot of you don’t like to do that kind of stuff, but it can really help, and it’s the way the industry is going. And it is new income that will still be there when the recession is over and the clients come back.
And for all you bottom feeders, lomax tells me that there is a no-legged one armed domme in the Bronx that charges 50/hour. Go for it!!
Violence NOT BDSM (SubOpheliaNYC)
Thanks Ophelia, lomax downloaded that clip a week ago and I haven’t seen him since!!
Hath I not arms? Legs?? Am I not more than..... (ScatDomme)
(Speaking of no arms and legs, lol)
Well I may be naïve, but when a domme aggressively advertises a specialty, I tend not to session with that domme unless I am at least a little interested in that speciality. I assume that that is what she enjoys doing most. And I think that this would be exaggerated with dommes that specialize in BS, because lots of guys are AFRAID of dommes that do BS. And using the screen name ScatDomme certainly is aggressively marketing your specialty.
I’ve noticed that Delilah, for about a year or 2, has been aggressively marketing her non-BS sessions. I wonder if it is working for her, or is she “stereotyped”? That’s the problem, isn’t it, being stereotyped, especially with this specialty. There are biological limitations. How many BS sessions can one do in a day, anyway? And then there is the conflict between when clients want to session and bodily needs. Not an easy thing to manage, for sure. I imagine that a domme wouldn’t want to do more than one BS session a day, and fill the day with non-BS sessions. Unless …..
….. someone could invent a device to put poop back in. Not that hard in theory, but of course you would want it to be clean, easy to use, and also handle the poop “collection” in a clean, sanitary, and easy way. And then there is the issue of storage. Can you freeze poop? Does defrosted poop taste the same? Could the connoisseur tell the difference and be disappointed?
But if one COULD invent such a machine and mechanism, it could be great for both client and domme. For the domme, she could go whenever she wanted, and do as many BS sessions a day as she wanted. She could also charge by the amount if she wanted, a potential extra source of income. (One could also imagine a “poop” pasteurizer added attachment that could kill all the bugs and make the poop as safe as milk)
And for the client it would be an even bigger boon. He could not only get as much as he wants (no longer the heartache and frustration of the domme who can’t go), he could order specialty poops, hard, soft, diarrhea, even which foods produced them, such as broccoli poops, poop with corn, etc.
Of course, if such a machine was invented, it would then turn into a battle between the ladies that used the machines and the ones that didn’t. And then it would turn into wars on max fisch between the natural poop lovers and the clients that didn’t care. Now that is reason alone to invent such a device, lol. I’ll get lomax on it after he completes his current project (more on that soon).
An update on Larry the Farmer
Well the last we head of Larry the Farmer was in October, when he was in Acapulco living with a famous ex-NYC domme and working in the fast food industry. Well we got a postcard from him just last week. He is in Belize!! We have no idea how he got there, but his postcard said that he is married and that his wife is trying to kill him (God I hope she didn’t catch him fucking a pig!!). Lomax and I are planning how to extricate him. One or both of us will be going down there soon, maybe this week. Stay tuned ……..
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This is our special Christmas edition. First, from our inbox, a sampling of some of the emails we get, this batch commenting on LR#35. Then a few brief comments on the hot theads of the last couple of weeks. And finally, a Christmas story by lomax.
A sampling of our emails:
To the Editor:
I am the marketing director for “Bags Galore”, a company that designs and manufactures Colostomy bag covers using the latest fashion fabrics and pop culture symbols. We have “love bags”, “peace bags”, bags for democrats, bags for republicans, “Obama on a bag”, “the Britney Bag” (one of our biggest sellers), sports bags (the Brady bag, etc.), and one of our biggest sellers the “OJ is Innocent!” bag.
There is no need to hide your bag anymore.
Lance Hilltop, www.bagsgalore.com
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Dear Mr. Balls,
My mother has had to live with a colostomy bag for 3 years. Fuck you.
Dave Piscatelli
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Dear Editor,
We found your pathetic attempt at humor, well, frankly, pathetic. A colostomy bag is nothing to make fun of. Would make fun of someone with a big zit on their ass? I bet you would. You should be ashamed of youself!!
Danielle Donahooty, Executive Vice President, The Brown Bag Society.
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To the Editor,
My name is Lisa, I am now 56, and I have been in therapy for 35 years, starting soon after I was peed on by “Anne” in 1970. I had just finished college (Brown University, Summa Cum Laude, International Relations) and was also a world class swimmer, and had a very good chance of making the US Olympic Team in in 400 meter freestyle. I was taking my niece to the Cape for the weekend when we were defiled by that disgusting pig. Two weeks later, I was leading in the nationals when, while I was swimming, I was thinking of being peed on and rammed by head into the pool wall. I fractured my skull, and suffered permanent brain damage. Not only was my swimming career over, but any chance at a career in journalism over as well, since the brain damage affected my speech. I spiraled into drug addiction, despression, and video games.
I eventually (after almost 20 years) pulled my life back together, and have done pretty well designing and manufacturing Southwestern Indian jewelry. My therapist says that I am over my obsession with Anne, but that doesn’t mean I forgive her. Peeing on innocents is not funny. It ruined my life.
Lisa Del Della
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Mr. Smellyballs,
I am Hoover the anti-Christ. You should join me and find the peace you so desperately crave. Repeat the following chant 1000 times and then contact me: Inko Dinko Vasta Lem, Spiro Minky Shasta Wem”.
Hoover
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Hello,
I am Svetlana, and I just ate my girlfriend’s pussy. Tomorrow I am going to fuck a horse. For great anal action, go to http://www.69russianwhore.com
Svetlana
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Smellyballs,
When my daughter was 12 she saw a fat man’s naked pimply ass. I was worried at first, but she is now a senior at a top Midwest College getting all A’s in pre-law, and very happy and popular. Only thing, she only dates pimply fat men.
She wants to take a year or two off before law school. She says she wants to be a dominatrix? Should I object?
A concerned Dad
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Hello to you smellyballs,
I much like you web blog. Pleased to show you video of Meestress Tara Indiana and Meestress Irene Boss in hot lesbo activity. Very high definition, no editing of pimples raw feetage. 35 United States dollars to my paypal, vijayshah@cumcast.net password delivered same day.
We also have other look alikes, Binyl Qween, Domina M, only Indian actresses over age 18, no dots.
Thank you,
Chuck Johnson
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Now to our commentary:
Dominatrix = Prostitute according to Wordsmyth? (Lucifer Jones)
I don’t know this guy Wordsmyth, but to guys on my block, a prostitute is someone who will FUCK total strangers for money. That’s pretty much the street definition across America.
So if a dominatrix will fuck total strangers for money, she is also a prostitute. If she won’t, then she isn’t. On the streets of Brooklyn and most other places.
A little more street clarification. A girl who will fuck total strangers for free we call a whore. Denise, who is 17 and a virgin but will let her dates fuck her up the ass, we call her a slut, but not a whore, because she doesn’t fuck.
How can i make myself more attractive to women? (jamesrebel130)
I look at this that there are two types of guys: guys that women want to fuck (for whatever reason, looks, bod, money, personality, etc.), and the rest of us.
So if you are among the rest of us (which you probably are, if you are reading this blog) you have 2 choices:
- just be yourself, and you will eventually find someone anyway. You just won’t get laid much while you’re waiting.
- become one of those other guys, like my old friend “Halitosis Howie” did. All it took in his case was to grow a beard, a lot of Scope, and a law degree from Georgetown.
In either case, we also suggest lots of masturbation and an occasional visit to your favorite dominatrix. It won’t make you more fuckable, but at least you can have fun while you’re waiting for Ms. Right.
Who objects to my topless avatar? (Domina Caitlin)
Well duh, of course no one objects. First, you have great boobies, and second, there are no flies buzzing around them like on my avatar. If you want, I’ll gladly add the flies (first one is free, after that 10.99 per fly. Buy 4 get the fifth free!!).
Btw having flies buzz around your avatar is a can’t miss revenue generator. The Aphrodisiacical properties of flies is well documented. Lomax once rubbed honey over his cock and balls before we went to a nude beach in Rhode Island a few years ago, specifically to attract flies, and hence women. However, all he attracted was horse flies, it wasn’t pretty. Horse flies are very very persistent and their bites really really hurt.
But, about a year later, he tried to get a domme to do a horsefly CBT session. He got a domme to agree, so he built this contraption with two compartments, one for his cock and balls, the other for the horse flies, with a removable wall between them. A few days before the session he dragged me to Jones Beach to gather horseflies, but we couldn’t catch any. He tried a couple more times with no luck, so he moved on. Anyone interested in the contraption?
Some Positive News for a Change... (Rapturevision)
Well that is good news, glad you’re back in biz, Rap!! One suggestion, get some meatier models!! We like big boobs and/or big butts and/or amazons and/or full figured.
Cum consumption.... (Scarlette1313)
Hey whatever floats you boat, is how I look at it. But lomax and I aren’t into any “bi-sexual” types of play.
But I do have a question for dommes. There are certain things that I think are edgy enough that you don’t have to put in your “hard limits” list, because a domme is not going to spring these edgy things on you without asking in the pre-session chat.
For instance, if I book for a corporal/cbt session, and I am tied up, I wouldn’t expect a domme to extemporaneously shit on me, fist me, etc. And I consider “bi-sexual” play in that category. If I want my dick sucked by a guy, I’ll ask you. Don’t just spring it on me. Don’t you think that’s fair?
Well a domme in Amsterdam last September didn’t think so. She ties me up, blindfolds me, and then (I could peek a little through the blindfold) she opens a closet and out crawls this little albino slave, who crawls over to me on all fours. Then she tells him that he has to suck my cock.
Well I was out of that dungeon and on the streets in about 90 seconds, after screaming bloody murder. I wanted out so bad I didn’t even try to get my tribute back. I was really skeeved and pissed, but I calmed down after about 5 drinks. Then I spent another 70 Euros to get my dick sucked by a girl (or at least someone who looked like a girl, lol). I did feel bad for the Albino guy though, he must have been real disappointed. I didn’t feel bad for the domme at all.
So, fellow subs, if you’re in Amsterdam, and you see this very well known young blond dominatrix, and you aren’t into being blown by an Albino male, put it on your hard limits list. But if you are, book a flight tomorrow!! (btw this is a TRUE story!!)
And finally, a short Christmas story from lomax:
A Toilet’s Christmas Fantasy, by lomax
As we all know, there are different Christmas traditions in different parts of the world. In a remote corner of Eastern Europe, in Turdylvania, on December 23rd ……..
“Mommy, tell us again about Santa Turd!!”
“Well dears, if you’ve been good, Santa will come in the middle of the night and take a shit in your stocking. But if you’ve been bad, he’ll put candy in your stocking.”
“Yuk, I hate candy, mommy. I hope I’ve been a good enough girl to get a nice big juicy turd!!”
“I’m sure you have been, dear”.
Meanwhile, at the North Pole ………
“Holy Jesus, do I have to take a fucking shit!!”
“Just a couple of more days, Santa, and you can shit your brains out.”
“Making all these toys is hard enough, but holding in my shit for 3 months is asking a little too much of an old guy like me. “
“I feel for you dear, but you knew the score when you took the job. Toys for all the Christians, turds for all the Turdylvanians and a couple dozen guys in New York City. Just think of how good you’ll feel on Christmas morning.“
“If I make it until Christmas morning!!”
Meanwhile, back in Turdylvania, little Igor and Alena were lying in bed, but unable to sleep …….
“I got a letter last week from my cousin Feodora”, Alena said. “She is hoping Santa gives her an IPhone. “
“WTF is that about? You mean they don’t get turds in Iowa?”
“Guess not. That sucks for them!”
“What do you hope Santa has been eating?”
“Creamed corn and brussel sprouts!!”
“Me too!!”
and at the North Pole, early Christmas Eve afternoon ……….
“Quick, get the shit bag, I can’t take it any longer!!”
“You mean Mrs. Claus?”
“No, not that shit bag, idiot, the shit bag for Turdylvania!!”
“C’mon Santa, just 8 more hours. You can do it. You don’t want to disappoint those little boys and girls by giving them stale turds, do you?”
“Then get me some Kaopectate!!”
“But Santa, that stuff binds you up for days!!. Remember ’83? (Editors note: 1983 was the year of the “Great Constipation”, when Santa couldn’t go. The kids of Turdylvania got reindeer droppings.)
“Fine, but if I shit all over the sleigh, you have to clean it up.”
On a cold, clear Christmas morning in Turdylvania, the aroma of fresh shit, mixed with just a hint of brussells sprouts, wafts into the kids bedroom. It’s Christmas!! …….
“Wake up Alena, I smell shit!!” The kids run downstairs to find their stockings full of shit.
“Mommy, Daddy, Santa Turd filled both our stockings with shit!! Can we eat it now??!!”
“Just a taste for now, little ones. Save the rest for after breakfast.” The kids each eat a heaping tablespoon.
“mmmmmmmmmm”.
Just then Igor and Alena’s older brother Hans comes downstairs. He teases the little ones. “Do you still believe that Santa Turd comes to every house in Turdylvania and shits in every kids stocking? It smells like Mom’s shit to me.”
“Don’t be silly, Hans, Mom didn’t have brussell sprouts last night!!”
and finally, back at the Pole…………
“Wow, do I feel great”, a contented Santa Turd sighed as he relaxed in his lazy boy. “What a night. I shit all over Turdylvania, it never stopped. My only disappointment was that by the time I got to New York, it was all diarrhea.”
“Oh don’t sweat it, Santa. Those New York toilet boys LOVE diarrhea!!”
The End, and Have a Merry Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, et al!!
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Why would any domme allow intimate body worship? (Domina Caitlin)
552 replies!! Wow, who knows how long it would have lasted if it wasn’t locked.
So let’s get down to the nitty gritty. Let’s put aside the legal issues, and the disease issues, and the emotional/ethical issues that some people have with allowing sexual acts, and ask the fundamental question: Can eating pussy be a submissive act?
Well certainly in some social circles. I have heard (seen on TV mostly) that black and Hispanic males (and Italian males too) consider eating pussy very unmasculine, so unmasculine that saying that a guy eats pussy is an insult (remember what happened to Junior on the Sopranos?).
Among Caucasian males however, especially among the upper middle class, eating pussy is just a fun act. So our advice to dommes is this: only allow cunt licking from Blacks and Italians. They will consider it demeaning, submissive, humiliating. Everyone else, from the French to the Swedes, the Germans, the English, Asian, etc, will be putting one over on ya, so to speak.
Of course blanket generalities like the above have only so much validity, because there are always exceptions to the rule. Just like Junior Soprano, I know a couple of Italians that like eating pussy. I am an exception, in fact, a Caucasian male that doesn’t particularly like eating pussy. Over the years I have lost my taste for pussy. It could be the low sodium diet, I don’t know. So for me, though it wouldn’t be a submissive act, it could, under the right circumstances, be a sadistic one. A normal pussy wouldn’t gross me out, but certain pussy’s could. I will spare ya’ll the details and leave it at that.
Lomax, on the other hand, if you ever saw HIM eating pussy, you would KNOW that it wasn’t a submissive act.
Teen girls sexually abuse elderly (generic2)
We at the Lobby Report were shocked at this thread. Not at generic2 getting off on fantasizing about this, but at the number of dommes that were horrified that he would. So that led us to explore the following question:
Are all Dommes really Perverted?
By perverted we mean a serious sadist or masochist, or have a serious fetish. Lomax says most aren’t.
“I consulted my list. Of the 62 dommes I have seen, only 10 would I guess were “clinical” sadists, and from another 15 I got the feeling that they were pretty warped sexually in some way or other. So that is 25 out of 62, or just about 40%. Which means that 60% aren’t truly perverted. Now I know this isn’t scientific, so the real number could be higher or smaller, but the point is that a significant number of dommes are not perverts,
“Sure the rest are a little kinky, I would imagine, it would be hard to be a domme without having some love of kink, but for them kink is still more of a diversion, so to speak.”
Thanks lomax. I’ll leave it to another day as to why these women are dommes, how good they can be as dommes, etc. What I want to discuss here is why a lot of dommes get so bent out of shape when a sub says he got turned on by reading about a couple of girls abusing an old man.
Well the simple answer would just be because it’s non-consensual, and is not politically correct. But I think it’s more than that. I think that these women aren’t real perverts, in addition to being politically correct.
So for the non-real perverts out there, I will explain how this sexual perversion stuff works. Most of us real perverts became real perverts when we were pretty young. Some as young as 5 or 6, others in our teens at the latest. None of us knew about pro dommes, or Safe Sane Consensual, or any of that. All most of us had were our fantasies, for the most part. And even though most of us, even at a young age, had developed enough of a social conscience and self respect not to unleash our perversions on society, we let our fantasies have free reign (of course there occasional exceptions, boys will be boys. Lomax tried to worship his aunt’s high heels when he was 9. A couple of times I tried to egg girls on to beat me up in middle school.). Sure some of had a lot of guilt over our fantasies, but for the most part we couldn’t control them.
None of us knew, in those early days, that adults act out these types of fantasies for fun, and that there were professional women that would act out your fantasies with you. We thought that the only S&M was real S&M, and for us on the M side of S&M, our fantasies were about real life situations of being trapped by women, tortured by women, whatever your thing was. (My first S&M fantasy was that I was trapped on a boat with Mimi, a sixth grader in my class, who had me tied up and would force me to have sex with her, and then stick batteries up my ass).
The point of all this is, is that for most of us, S&M started out as non-consensual in our fantasies. By the time I discovered that adults did S&M for fun, at around age 16, and there were women who would tie me up and whip me (for money or for free), my sexuality was pretty much cast in stone. The only thing that changed is that I was now fantasizing that those leather-clad women in the magazines were doing the torturing instead of Mimi. Non-consensually of course.
But most real perverts know all this.
Speaking of political correctness, it’s now politically incorrect to make fun of people with colostomy bags. I’m providing this as a warning to ya’ll, so you won’t get sued or beat up or anything. Lomax got sued by the BBS (the Brown Bag Society, an advocacy group for colostomy bag wearers), for an article he wrote about a friend of his (in another publication). He settled, and has to do 300 hours of community service at nursing homes in South Florida, which among other things, entails emptying and cleaning the bags. He also has to march in the Delray Beach Colostomy Bag Pride Day parade, carrying two colostomy bags, with a sign around his neck that says “No Colon, No Problem!!”. So lomax may not be around for awhile.
The article he wrote was about a friend of his named Howie who couldn’t get a S&M session because of his colostomy bag. Howie was riding his unicycle, drunk as a skunk, down one of those big San Francisco hills, lost control, picked up speed, and slammed into a telephone pole. He broke just about everything, including severing his large intestine. Because of his injuries, and his 20 years of drinking, it would be at least a year of recuperating (and clean living) before he can get patched up and get rid of the bag.
Well Howie is a foot fetishist and CBT lover, and after six months of no sessions couldn’t take it anymore. But not one domme in San Francisco would session with him. Even the famous Vinyl Queen wouldn’t, and was quoted in the article saying “It wasn’t so much the bag, it was the smell!!” But that wasn’t the line that lomax got in trouble with, it was his line editorializing on the whole situation: “If Howie and these other fucking brown baggers would just use a little common hygiene! I walked into Howie’s apartment and there he is, lying passed out on the couch, his bag overflowing. No wonder no dommes will session with him. If he’s the poster child for colostomy bags, then they all should be locked up!!
Well, the colostomy police (i.e. the BBS) went after him with a vengeance. Poor Howie became the laughing stock of the colostomy scene. He was shunned at BBS dances and other BBS events. He was kicked off of his BBS bowling team. He kept setting up sessions with dommes, but as soon as they saw that bag dangling (and the smell) the session was over before it started. So Howie just stayed home and watched TV and masturbated.
The only good news that came out of all of this, is that Howie did clean up the rest of his life, if not his personal hygiene. He hasn’t had a drink since the accident, and is scheduled for surgery to reattach his colon two months earlier than anticipated. He is, however, not very happy with the pro domme community, and isn’t sure if he can ever session with San Francisco dommes again. He is thinking of moving to LA.
Lomax is in Florida. National Colostomy Bag Pride Day is February 15th, and he wants to get his community service over by then. Wish him well!!
What EVER Happened?? (Mistress Michelle)
Mistress Michelle was bemoaning the lack of respect for the history of BDSM in America. We agree, it is a shame that there isn’t a museum or something. Discussing this thread got us to reminisce about the old days, whose pictures we would jerk of to (Mistress Michelle, you were on both our lists!! As was Jennifer Jordan, Cointess Anne, etc.), early experiences, etc.
Though I had heard most of Lomax’s stories before, he told me something about his past that I never knew or heard about: The Roadside Pisser. The Roadside Pisser was a woman who would hide in the trees at those little picnic groves that they had by the side of the road, and piss on the picnickers. She operated in the sixties, in Southern New England. She’d climb a tree that hung over a picnic table, and start drinking beer (always Haffenreffer Private Stock, they would always find the empties under the tree) until her victims appeared. She only pissed on women and children, never adult men. Her favorite were the real wholesome families, conservatively dressed, wooden picnic basket, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, etc. She would wait until they had their picnic all set up and they had started eating. She’d start with a few little squirts, aiming for their heads, or their sandwiches. When mom would finally look up to see where it was coming from, she’d let out the full stream, getting mom right in the face. Then she’d piss all over the kids, and the food. They’d usually start screaming and run away, often running to their car and driving away, leaving behind whatever belongings were pissed on.
The Roadside Pisser was never caught, even though there were scores of police reports, from Cape Cod to Rhode Island, from the Berkshires to the Connecticut shoreline. Good decent folks don’t want to stay around when a naked crazy girl in the trees is pissing on them. Especially in the 60’s, when even things like nudity were a shock. Mom had enough explaining to do when she got home as it was.
So after lomax told me about the Roadside Pisser, he came out with the punch line:
“I met the Roadside Pisser, smelly, hung out with her, gave her ride”.
“I was taking a dump in the woods at one of the roadside rests, finished, was walking out of the woods when I heard these little girls screaming. So I ran towards the sound, thinking they needed help. But by the time I arrived, they were already in their car and driving away. Then I saw this naked girl climbing out of a tree.
“She wasn’t that pretty, but had one of the nicest bodies that I had ever seen. Hourglass figure, big boobs, a natural 36-24-36. I was only 19 at the time, and way too shy to do or say anything, but she spotted me and said, ‘Hi, I’m Anne. Got a car? The police will be here soon.’
“So I gave her a ride. She didn’t even put on her clothes, just grabbed them, and her backpack, and jumped in the front seat of my ‘63 Mercury Comet. We hadn’t gone 5 miles when she started rubbing my crotch. Then she gave me the best blow job of my life!! While I was driving on the Connecticut Turnpike!!
“After I came, she went into her knapsack and pulled out a giant black dildo. ‘I’m going into the back seat. It’s my turn now’, she said. So she climbed into the back seat, lay down across the seat on her back, and started masturbating with the dildo. I couldn’t believe it, a knockout girl, stark naked, who just gave me a great blowjob, is in the back seat of my car masturbating!!
“Two thing I forgot to mention. I had no idea she was the Roadside Pisser at this point. And my Comet was a convertible, and the top was down.
“Needless to say, a naked girl masturbating in a convertible on the Connecticut Turnpike in 1969 created quite a mess. Truckers surrounded our car, honking, hooting, rolling down their windows, etc. Anne was oblivious. I was terrified. I eventually took an exit, and got on Route 1, so their would be no cars passing us. I found a roadside rest and pulled over, just as Anne was finishing up.
“She had a six-pack of Haffenreffer Malt Liquor in her backback, so we spent the next hour drinking them and shooting the shit. Then she told me she wanted to pee on me, to take my clothes off and lie on the picnic table. She didn’t climb up a tree, just stood over me and gave me my first golden shower. All over me!! A couple of cars pulled into the rest area, but saw us, and sped away.
“Then she fucked my brains out, right on the picnic table.
“After that we put our clothes on. I passed out in my car, I was pretty drunk. When I awoke, Anne was gone.
“A couple of days later I read in the paper that the Roadside Pisser struck again, and I put two and two together (duh!). A few days after that I had my first herpes attack.
“But smelly, it was worth it!!”
bita bita bita bita bita, that’s all, folks!!
(Oops, I lied, that’s not quite all. Lomax called me this morning from Florida, and when I told him I was putting his Roadside Pisser story in the Lobby Report, he added this little footnote. It turns out that 30 years after his roadside pissing incident, in the late 90’s, he was in Rhode Island at a bowling alley for his niece’s 12th birthday party. There was an adult women’s bowling league going on a few lanes away, and he saw Anne!! She now looked like a typical Warwick Rhode Island housewife, maybe 20 pounds heavier, but still very sexy looking. She had on a wedding ring.
Lomax went over and re-introduced himself when he had a chance, and talked to her for a few minutes, just small talk mostly. She was a little embarrassed at first, but eventually opened up. She mentioned to him that she has a diary of her 60’s escapades, and is thinking of writing a book, when her kids grow up (she has a 16 year old daughter who is her youngest). Lomax offered his help, and she took his number. Lomax (being lomax) asked “how about a quick golden shower, for old times sake”. She smiled coyly, lifted her wedding ring up to his eye level, and said, “Not today, honey, maybe some day. Keep in touch”.)
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